So, will Latte Larry enact his battle plan against Mocha Joe tonight? Maybe not, but let’s see what shenanigans he gets into anyway.
Larry meets with his lawyer to discuss the sexual harassment complaint from his assistant. If she gets anything from this lawsuit, Larry’s dead-set on leaving the country. Canada sounds nice, but it’s cold, he says. Larry asks to use the lawyer’s private bathroom, but he’s denied access, which peeves him to no end. He’s politely asked to use the public one down the hall.
Dr. Ban calls Larry to tell him that they’d like to test him for thyroid cancer. There’s a mass she’s concerned about, and she’d like him to come in for an MRI. Let the spiraling commence!
While playing poker with his friends, Jeff gives Larry a heads-up about Susie’s birthday the following week. Larry, however, has already picked something out. Jeff and Richard tell Larry that they’re not “cancer friends.” The gang of pals make a pact that if anyone gets the disease, they can all cut that person off. At least they all agree?
At lunch with Cheryl, Larry once again calls out a wobbly table. (I sincerely hope this happens in every single Season 10 episode.) To counter the table, Larry decides to do the “side sit,” meaning he sits adjacent to Cheryl instead of across from her. After their hookup last week, he tells Cheryl he thinks they should be together, but she doesn’t quite agree. He then plays the cancer card (yikes!), but it doesn’t seem to change her mind.
It seems that Larry’s coffee shop is a go; he’s got a worker coming by to help him out. While at Jeff’s house, he gives Susie her birthday gift, a painted portrait of Susie that he had commissioned. “It’s magnificent, it’s a work of art! All is forgiven. Every horrible thing you’ve done to me is forgiven!” she says. Jeff isn’t too pleased. “You f–cked me!” he screams.
Later, Larry tells a friend that the mailman lost his invitation to a fundraiser, which really pisses off his mailman. He confronts Larry about the situation, claiming that he’s never lost a piece of mail, and he demands that Larry tell the truth. While the mailman waits at his doorstep, Larry takes a call — his mass is benign!
At the lawyer’s office, the private toilet is left unguarded, so of course Larry pops in! He treats the room like a crime scene, erasing every possible bit of evidence that he was in there. The lawyer then tells him that his assistant wants to meet with Larry face to face, which is another bit of good news. The lawyer goes for a tissue, but deadpans: “Did you use my bathroom?” Larry lies his way out of it… for now. He gets the lawyer’s assistant, Rita, to admit that she used it too. He asks her on a date and she says yes. LD is on a roll!
Larry runs into Ted Danson, who asks him flat out if he was “side-sitting” Cheryl. Larry says he side-sits with everyone! “If you’ve ever seen me sitting, you’ve seen me side-sitting!” Frankly, everyone’s on to his sh-t.
At a dinner party, Susie sits at the head of the table with her portrait hung up behind her. She calls Larry “the most thoughtful man I’ve met,” and we’ve officially entered bizarro-land, which says a lot considering this is Curb. Larry gets angry with everyone and yells at them for not asking about his test results. He then stabs a tomato with a fork, squirting juice up at the painting, tarnishing it and sending the whole room into turmoil.
Larry meets with his assistant and eats crow to calm her concerns. When Ted walks by, Larry side-sits in order to appease Ted, but it freaks out the assistant and she flees the restaurant.
The coffee shop construction worker enters Larry’s house and sees the portrait of Susie. Hating the woman, he destroys it; Susie later drives by to see a further-destroyed portrait sitting outside Larry’s house and she’s… not happy.
The episode closes with Larry’s lawyer once again grilling him as if he’s in court: “Did you, or did you not use my bathroom!”
Cue the music! Season 10 is off to a great start, no? Drop your thoughts in the comments below.