If you haven’t watched Veronica Mars‘ Season 4 finale yet, don’t read this. Seriously. Live in oblivion, secure in the knowledge that our favorite sleuth and her psychotic-jackass-turned-soulmate are somewhere along the Pacific Coast Highway, blissfully cruising along as man and wife.
But if you have seen Episode 8 of Hulu’s revival, please join me in mourning Logan Echolls, who meets a violent and abrupt end in the season finale.
Read on for the highlights of “Years, Continents, Bloodshed.”
NAILED IT! | At the top of the hour, Veronica and Keith agree to poke around on Penn’s behalf. But it’s a big job — a lot of people know about the nail that was in the shrapnel dug out of the pizza delivery guy’s back after the Sea Sprite bombing. Keith tries to beg out, but Veronica tells her dad to gut it up.
Meanwhile, Veronica hasn’t told anyone about her engagement, though Logan has shared the news with a bunch of people. But she’s fully on board, she maintains, adding that she’d happily marry him the next day at the county clerk’s office. This soon becomes the plan.
VAYA CON DIOS, BIG DICK | Over at Big Dick’s house, Matty is busy skulking about, copying his hard drive and planting bugs. When he comes home, though, she hides. Big Dick calls Clyde to say there’s an intruder; the bald ex-con, who’s sitting outside in his car, does zero to help. So an angry Big Dick grabs his gun and confronts Alonzo (!), who’s swimming in the pool out back. Alonzo confronts Casablancas about being behind Gabriel’s killing; turns out, Clyde secretly recorded their conversation in which Dick owned up to having a hand in the Sea Sprite incident and gave it to El Despiadado’s guys. The conversation lasts long enough for Dodie to sneak up from behind and impale him with an ornamental sword. (By the way, Matty is watching all of this, which should keep some therapist in business for a while in the future.) She also witnesses the Mexican hitmen decapitating Big Dick, then she calmly turns and walks away.
After Keith and Veronica get the news that Dick’s dad is dead, they visit the Pi Sig house to lean on the sensitive band guy. It comes out that he thinks that back in the day, two of his pledge brothers killed another pledge brother in the tent so he wouldn’t say anything “about the pizza guy.” As the story goes, the group of guys got a pizza delivered to the beach, got mad when the delivery guy screwed up the order and took it out on him by repeatedly dunking him in the ocean. But then they lost him in the waves and thought he’d drowned. What’s worse, the band guy can’t make a positive ID — it was three years before, and he was druuuuunk.
Things get a little convoluted here, so let’s shorthand it: Eventually, Veronica comes to believe that the delivery guy who got dunked hadn’t died, his name was Don and he was a serial killer-obsessed guy who’d failed out of Hearst his senior year. Oh, and he happens to be the Murderhead played by Clark Duke. The police quickly get on board and raid his apartment; he’s not there, but some bomb-making materials sur eare. Penn thinks he might be at the abandoned power plant where the pizza guys used to smoke weed, so he leads Veronica and Keith there… and that’s where they find Don shot through the head, apparently having killed himself and owning the bombings via a note left near his body.
But Matty, who’s been doing a little legwork for Mars Investigations, finds evidence that maybe Don wasn’t the pizza guy who delivered to the beach that night. She calls Keith to tell him so, and pretty soon he’s pulling a gun on Penn and demanding to know where the bomb — which is set to go off in 14 minutes, by the way — is located. Penn denies that he’s the bomber, but Veronica soon gets a flash of intuition that the device will blow up at the Kane High School dedication ceremony… where Matty and Wallace both happen to be.
CRISIS AVERTED! | So they speed over to the school, where Jake Kane is speaking to those gathered for the dedication. Veronica runs up and wrestles the microphone away from him (ha!) and announces that there’s a bomb on the premises. Naturally, everyone panics and runs. Then V demands that Penn defuse the device, but he maintains that he didn’t built it and doesn’t know how. Time is running out, so Keith volunteers to stay with the pizza guy until he caves and turns it off.
Veronica objects strenuously, so Keith reveals that he thinks he’s got chronic traumatic encephalopathy — hence the memory loss, etc. — and that getting blown to bits “doesn’t seem the worst way to go.” Veronica is stricken, but she eventually lets her dad stay there while she goes to wait with Matty and the crowd.
Penn FINALLY admits he knows where the bomb is, so with 15 seconds to go, Keith disarms it. Veronica sobs with relief. In case you were wondering, I’m pretty close, too. The police take Penn into custody: Though Big Dick was behind the Sea Sprite bombing, Penn did the others, but he doesn’t mind that he’s probably going to jail, because “You’ve made me famous,” he sneers to Keith and Veronica.
A HITCH IN GETTIN’ HITCHED | During all of this, Logan runs into Parker at the County Clerk’s office while getting his and Veronica’s marriage license. She’s divorced, and she’s also surprised that he and Ms. Mars are finally tying the knot. “You guys took your time,” she remarks. Later, we see Logan with his therapist, the often-mentioned Jane. (Hi, Battlestar Galactica‘s Mary McDonnnell!) She wants to know why he followed Parker out of the building to talk with her some more. “I guess I just want to go into this with my eyes wide open,” he answers, which makes me nervous. Jane mentions that he’s been wanting to marry V for a long time, and now he’s the “dog that caught the car… Are you sure that’s what you want?” Um, Jane, you seem nice and all, but KINDLY SHUT UP.
Cut to the courthouse, where Keith is happily informing Veronica that he’s gotten a diagnosis: His memory lapses were caused by some of his medications interacting, and once he’s gotten a hip replacement, he’ll be anew man. Also? The reward money for catching the bomber has been transferred to their account. “Don’t look now,” he beams, “but we may both be having the greatest days of our lives.”
Wallace shows up, but Logan is nowhere to be seen. Then Veronica gets a text from her fiancé: “Sorry.” Wallace is furious. Keith is comforting. Veronica is heartsick. And I am 10 seconds away from launching into the speech she yells at Logan in his Xterra in Season 2’s “Ahoy Mateys,” which has nothing to do with the subject at hand but adequately conveys my anger, disappointment and overall sadness at his asshattery.
BUT THEN LOGAN IS THERE! He runs up, apologizing for being late — hence the text. I sigh in relief. Then, in my notes, I write, “THIS IS GOING TOO WELL.” But let’s forget about that for a moment and bask in the beauty that is Veronica and Logan getting married in the courtyard outside. They kiss, all smiley, and my marshmallowy center turns into a s’more of satisfaction. (I know that doesn’t mean anything, but let me have this moment before it all goes to poop.)
APPROXIMATELY FIVE MINUTES OF WEDDED BLISS | At home, they pack for a honeymoon in Sedona; they’re planning to leave that night. Veronica wants to shower, so Logan goes to move the car so she won’t get a ticket when the street cleaner comes around. But while her hubby is outside, Veronica realizes that the phrase in Penn’s note that said “heroes upon whom we’re doting” refers to her and Logan, and the reference to Fiji means not the local business but the tropical time zone. With a sinking heart, she also realizes that the backpack Penn insisted on bringing with him is still in her car. She runs to the window and yells for Logan, but it’s too late: The bomb has detonated, knocking her back onto the bed and killing the newly minted Mr. Veronica Mars.
Veronica cries. But something in her face gives off the feeling that she’d never quite believed she could have it that good for very long, anyway, and that makes it all even sadder.
A year later, Spring Break is dead in Neptune, Veronica voiceovers. Clyde is selling classic cars out of the former Comrade Quacks location. The NUTTs have gotten their way. “By next year, there won’t be a property on the beach costing less than $10 million,” she notes. Matty was able to fix up the Sea Sprite and plans to reopen; remember how no one could find Alex Maloof’s financee’s ring? Looks like Matty had it the whole time, and pawned it to get the cash she needed. (Atta girl.)
Veronica lost her rent-controlled apartment, so she and Pony moved in with Keith to nurse him back from hip surgery. As Penn predicted, someone made a documentary about the Spring Break bombings. And Veronica has been seeing Jane, Logan’s therapist. Jane seems to think that Veronica’s willingness to attend therapy sessions is evidence that she’s on her way “to well-being.” Veronica doesn’t look so sure.
She flatly says that she’s leaving town on a case and isn’t sure when she’ll be back; if nothing else, the documentary has been good for business. Keith has a girlfriend. Matty helps around Mars Investigations. Life is moving on… and Veronica’s doing what she can. But some of the sparkle has gone outta our girl.
Jane sends Veronica a voicemail from Logan that he left on the day they got married. “Is it weird to want to marry someone because you respect her, because you want to be like her?” he asks. “Because you want children who will inherit her qualities? I want to marry Veronica because she’s the toughest human being I’ve ever met. Blows that would destroy most people, she always picks herself back up.”
Yeah, Veronica will be better… someday. And as the episode ends, she drives the Pacific Coast Highway into the sunset. Sniff.
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