SNL Cold Open: Ousted Jeff Sessions Serenades MIA President Trump

Looking for more highlights? Watch best and worst Saturday Night Live sketches here.

With Alec Baldwin presumably still indisposed — how do you not riff on the Trump/Jim Acosta press conference kerfuffle? — NBC’s Saturday Night Live this weekend instead opened with ousted/forcibly-resigned Attorney General Jeff Sessions bidding adieu to his friends from the White House.

Discovered by Sarah Huckabee Sanders hiding under his desk (waiting to give Matthew Whitaker “a scare”), Sessions marveled at how unqualified his interim replacement is. “A shady businessman, with no experience, blindly loyal to Donald Trump….” And then he got it.

After turning in his ID card to Sanders, Sessions got to packing his things in the file box he “was born in” — including the Bible he “justified a lot of bad things with” and the Bob Woodward book in which Trump described Sessions as “mentally retarded.”

When Mike Pence stopped by, Sessions questioned his ouster, reminding the VP, “I put kids in cages! I said no to gays! What more did you all want?” Don Jr. and Eric Trump were up next, with the latter asking of the looming Mueller investigation, “Are we going to get some penis?” — meaning subpoenas (unless they do wind up behind bars, that is).

Alas, the boys’ dad (typically played by the recently embattled Alec Baldwin) was nowhere to be seen, leaving Sessions to embrace a framed photo of POTUS and croon Adele’s “Someone Like You.”

Mueller (played again by Robert De Niro) was the last to pay a visit, with Sessions begging for hints about the report he has been putting together. “Am I in it…?” the ex-AG asked, excitedly. “More than you’ll ever know,” Mueller assured.

What did you think of Sessions’ SNL swan song? Watch the cold open above.