Pretty Little Liars Recap

Pretty Little Liars Recap: Fatal Traction

In a truly unprecedented twist, Tuesday’s Pretty Little Liars actually provided an answer to one of the biggest mysteries of the season. (Trust me, I’m just as surprised — and satisfied — as you are.)

The mystery, of course, was “Who were the Liars burying in the season premiere?” And the answer, as revealed in the episode’s final moments, was Elliott. The latex lover was mowed down by Hanna as she and the girls combed the woods for Alison, who had just escaped from her husband/doctor/tormenter’s clutches. (Kudos to the creative team for that truly haunting final shot of Elliott’s face bleeding through Hanna’s windshield.)

Now that we’ve gotten that literal mess out of the way, let’s talk about this week’s relationship drama: In all honesty, I was hoping for at least one Dynasty-style throwdown — either Spencer suffering a sharp left hook, made even more deadly by Yvonne’s blinding engagement ring, or Hanna being pushed into a fountain after Caleb confessed to kissing her. But I got neither. Instead, everybody was “respectful” of each other’s “feelings,” and they all talked it out like pretty little adults.

Caleb did his best to convince Spencer that, even though a part of him will always love Hanna, she’s not the one he wants to be with, but it wasn’t enough. “Spaleb” is on life support at this point, if it even has a pulse. (And I learned everything I know about medicine from watching Elliott and Wren, so you know I’m legit.)

I also have to admit that Emily’s bartending job at the Radley is proving to be more entertaining than I expected. Her whole awkward dance with Sabrina — first being rejected, then ultimately landing a date after spilling her guts — felt like a cross between Coyote Ugly and The L Word, and I was here for it. That said, I have to assume Paige’s impending return will throw a wrench in Emily and Sabrina’s budding romance.

Other things we should probably discuss…

* As of this episode, you can officially add “creepy little Amish girls” to the list of things that make me uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong, though, I totally appreciate that Hanna and Aria were able to track down a 12-year-old version of Deep Throat in Amish country.

* Was anyone else surprised by how quickly Spencer and Emily figured out that Elliott disguised himself as Wilden to make Alison feel crazy? Like, that mystery unraveled faster than a Real Housewife with a bottle of Prosecco.

* So the big Season 7 wedding is going to be… Toby and Yvonne’s?

Your thoughts on this week’s episode? Drop ’em in a comment below.