Vampire Diaries Recap: Drag Me to Hell

Vampire Diaries Season 7

Ho-ho-holy crap! Thursday’s Christmas-themed Vampire Diaries brought neither glad tidings nor great joy to the people of Mystic Falls. Just a lot of festive stabbing.

Let’s start with the big cliffhanger, shall we? Following a series of nasty encounters with Julian and Nora — and that sword, which I admit to knowing nothing about until it was plainly explained to us this week — Stefan and Damon are now trapped in their own personal hells. And since this whole season has basically been one big Elena-less hell for Damon anyway, he’s pretty much being bumped right down to the tenth circle, where you’re always out of toilet paper and Time Warner is the only cable provider in town.

The only upside to Damon’s little journey is that, as Julian pointed out, we might get to see Lily — albeit a twisted, haunt-y hell version of Lily — one last time. Unless he’s cool leaving things as they were said (“You were a terrible mother when you were alive, and you were a terrible mother when you were dead”). I’m thinking Damon, ever the emotional garbage disposal, might want to at least attempt to mend some fences.

Elsewhere this week…

SCARE-O-LINE | Who’d have thought that a pregnant vampire would turn out to be a total nightmare? … Oh, everyone? Well, that theory was proven 10 times over this week, as Caroline’s hormones caused everything from weird cravings — she’s got a killer recipe for blood and marshmallow fluff — to full-on fits of rage. Not even Alaric, her future fiancé, was safe from her wrath. But at least we got a nice scene between Caroline and her mom(‘s grave) to cleanse our Forbes palate. On a related note, if you didn’t well up when she said, “I just realized this is going to be my first Christmas without you,” you’re even more of an emotional ostrich than Damon. (But don’t worry, I know a good therapist.)

#BONORA? | Before Nora decided to go all stab-y on Stefan, the newly single heretic was busy working her magic on a reluctant Bonnie Bennett. Though she’s only been living the single life for about 24 hours, it suits her, and she’s finally ready to spread her glorious heretic wings. Sadly, the ladies’ newfound friendship — spurred by Bonnie’s spiked hot chocolate, mostly — was cut short the second Nora suspected that her “beautiful” new pal was merely distracting her while the others kidnapped Mary Louise. Also, can someone else please reassure me that I’m not imagining the chemistry between Bonnie and Nora? Even if their hypothetical romance would merely be a pit stop on Bonnie’s road to Enzo Town, I fully support something happening between them. Everybody experiments in college, right?

VALERIE, CHERISHED | What is it with Stefan and romancing British blondes in Chicago? This week’s flash-forward took us back to the Windy City — the site of Stefan’s once-hot love affair with Rebekah Mikaelson — only this time, he was in the company of a certain heretic. As a lover of love, I was encouraged when Stefan referred to Caroline as someone he still cares about, as it (briefly) renewed my hope that the couple might still have a shot… but my mood did an about-face when he followed up that sentiment by leaning in for some Valerie sugar. Maybe they’ve both moved on?

Vampire Diaries fans, your thoughts on this week’s developments? Grade the fall finale below, then drop a comment with your full review.