From the hallways of Abbott Elementary to a galaxy far, far away, our favorite Quotes of the Week hail from all corners of the TV universe.
In the list below, we’ve gathered more than two dozen of television’s most memorable sound bites from the past seven days, including moments both scripted and unscripted from broadcast, cable and streaming series.
This time around, we’ve got Days of Our Lives‘ very-on-the-nose nod to its Beyond Salem spinoff, a romantic meal gone awry for True Lies‘ central couple, a hilariously awkward morning-after for Shrinking‘s Jimmy and Gaby, and proof that Kyle’s IQ hasn’t gone up at all in the years since Party Down last aired.
Also featured in this week’s roundup: double doses of The Mandalorian (read Season 3 premiere recap) and Abbott Elementary, plus quotable moments from RuPaul’s Drag Race, La Brea, Young Sheldon and many more shows.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!
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TRUE LIES
Image Credit: Courtesy of CBS “Helen, there are men here, and they’re coming for us.”
“Oh, OK. Are they single, and can they talk about their emotions?”
Secret spy Harry (Steve Howey) and his disgruntled wife Helen (Ginger Gonzaga) are on very different wavelengths when a romantic dinner in Paris goes sideways
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ALERT: MISSING PERSONS UNIT
Image Credit: Fox screenshot “Mr. Jones, it says here you want a nose job.”
“Yeah, it’s obviously not cosmetic. I have a deviated septum.”
“Want to take care of the hairline while we’re at it?”
“What’s wrong with the hairline? My hairline’s perfect.”
Jason (Scott Caan) takes fire while undercover to draw out a shady doctor
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THE MANDALORIAN
Image Credit: Disney+ screenshot “Grogu. His name is Grogu.”
“If you say so.”
Din (Pedro Pascal) updates Greef (Carl Weathers) on the Child’s name
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THE MANDALORIAN (Bonus Quote!)
Image Credit: Disney+ screenshot “Bad baby!!!”
Grogu gives an Anzellan a bit too much love
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RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE
Image Credit: MTV screenshot (2) “We have one final question for you, Charo. It’s the one that’s on everybody’s lips. How old are you, really?”
“I am an old bitch. According to my record, I came to America with Christopher Columbus. And he was hot.”
We’re not sure how we expected Charo, 72, to answer Marcia Marcia Marcia’s question — but it wasn’t like this
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YOUNG SHELDON
Image Credit: CBS screenshot (2) “Sheldon, my granddaughter’s about to be born. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Oh, I’m sure Georgie will get more women pregnant. You’ll have another chance.”
Sheldon (Iain Armitage) tries (and fails) to get George to leave the hospital to attend his database launch
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PARTY DOWN
Image Credit: Starz screenshot “Wait a minute, you have to pay alimony? With what? You’re like a teacher, right?”
“Yes, that’s why I’m moonlighting.”
“Moonlighting! Yes, man, I haven’t done that since they cancelled Burning Man. So, if you dropped your tab at moonrise, you’re due for a molly, like, now. How’s your headspace?”
“Moonlighting, as in working a side job for extra money.”
“That’s a term? But it’s… day?”
Once again, Kyle (Ryan Hansen) proves to be the most clueless member of the Party Down catering crew
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NCIS: HAWAI'I
Image Credit: CBS screenshot “This feels nice!”
“Yeah, the gang’s all back together!”
“Oh, I meant walking on land again.”
Former agent afloat Lucy (Yasmine Al-Bustami) is glad to shed her sea legs
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SHRINKING
Image Credit: Apple TV+ screenshot “I feel like I know what happened. I just needed to prove that my… vageen worked.”
“Well, it works, Gaby. It’s like a well-oiled machine. It’s humid and hospitable, like Florida.”
“Hey, you can call my vagina any state, but you do not f—king call it Florida, you hear me?”
“Fair enough.”
Panic leads to awkward moments after Jimmy (Jason Segel) and Gaby (Jessica Williams) realize they drunkenly slept together
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THE TRAITORS REUNION
Image Credit: Courtesy of Peacock “Christian… that’s the look you went with tonight, huh?”
Host Andy Cohen takes a light-hearted jab at Christian de la Torre’s fashion choices
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GREY'S ANATOMY
Image Credit: ABC screenshot “That seems like a one-parent job. Let’s make this one about you.”
After their daughter bites Bailey’s in the hospital nursery, Owen (Kevin McKidd) “delegates” the mess to Teddy
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SURVIVOR
Image Credit: CBS screenshot “God, all this for a flint.”
“All this for your flint. Exactly. Welcome to Survivor 44, Claire!”
Host Jeff Probst welcomes Claire Rafson to the game after the season’s first challenge overwhelms her
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AMERICAN AUTO
Image Credit: NBC screenshot “A Marriott.”
“That’s like, ‘Eh.'”
“Courtyard Marriott.”
“Oh, Jack. Haven’t these women been through enough?”
Jack (Tye White), Cyrus (Michael Benjamin Washington) and the rest of the all-male Women’s Committee discuss what kind of lodging they’ll provide to employees getting an abortion
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FAMILY GUY
Image Credit: Fox screenshot “Golf was invented purely so husbands can cheat on their wives. A six-hour game in a completely different town where you need special shirts? I don’t think so!”
Quagmire (voiced by Seth MacFarlane) reveals the secret connection between two of America’s favorite pastimes
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29TH SCREEN ACTORS GUILD AWARDS
Image Credit: YouTube screenshot “This isn’t one of those Kiss Cams, is it?”
The “And I’m an Actor” cameraman pulls up to Abbott Elementary‘s Janelle James and Quinta Brunson
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THE NEIGHBORHOOD
Image Credit: CBS screenshot (2) “Huh! Looks like the fog’s rolling in…”
Grover (Hank Greenspan), whose aptitude test allegedly reveals he’s destined to be a lighthouse keeper, gives Dave and Gemma pause
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ABBOTT ELEMENTARY
Image Credit: ABC screenshot “I’m going to go to Bone Town with Mo and then I’m going to break up with him.”
“Wow, that feels like too much information, and also kind of cruel.”
“I know, but I figure if I gotta do this, I might as well be full of meat and covered in sauce.”
“[beat] Oh, you mean the barbeque restaurant!”
Gregory (Tyler James Williams) misunderstands what Janine (Quinta Brunson) plans to do with her boyfriend
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ABBOTT ELEMENTARY (Bonus Quote!)
Image Credit: ABC screenshot “It’s all water under Adele’s bridge.”
Maurice (Vince Staples) is surprisingly understanding when Janine and Gregory come clean about their kiss
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WALKER INDEPENDENCE
Image Credit: The CW screenshot “How many more shots you got in that little purse gun of yours?”
“I don’t know. Show me your handsome face. We’ll find out together.”
Tom (Greg Hovanessian) and Kate (Katie Findlay) trade barbs during a shootout
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LATE NIGHT WITH SETH MEYERS
Image Credit: NBC screenshot “I’ll tell you this much: If things ever go badly enough that I need to use my compass app, start writing my eulogy. If my phone knows me at all, I’ll click that thing open and instead of north or south, it’ll just say, ‘You’re going to die in these woods.'”
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GHOSTS
Image Credit: CBS screenshot “Isaac, you don’t need to have a book written about you to be a significant person. You fought in the Revolutionary War. You invented the sniper rifle.”
“And killed a British officer with it from a hundred paces.”
“Then you got that guy to date you after that.”
“That is pretty impressive.”
Sam (Rose McIver) tries to make Isaac (Brandon Scott Jones) feel better about himself
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LA BREA
Image Credit: NBC screenshot (2) “What are you doing, Old Spice?”
Lucas rides to the rescue, apparently straight out of a 2010 deodorant commercial
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BLUE BLOODS
Image Credit: Paramount+ screenshots “Please. Your running for D.A. is New York’s worst-kept secret since Giuliani’s combover.”
Erin’s wannabe campaign manager (Alison Fraser) knows which way the political winds are blowing
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NCIS: LOS ANGELES
Image Credit: Paramount+ screenshots “What are you telling me, you never broke curfew?”
“Uh, considering that I was homeless for a good part of my teenage years, no. I didn’t.”
“Ouch. Gonna hit me with the real real.”
Deeks (Eric Christian Olsen) and Kensi (Daniela Ruah) talk of teenage indiscretions
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NCIS: LOS ANGELES (Bonus Quote!)
Image Credit: Paramount+ screenshot “Sorry, my Italian is a little rusty. Did you just track down an organized criminal, or is Genesis reuniting?”
Deeks (Eric Christian Olsen) and Kensi hear Nina Barnes’ Italian phone call peppered with the name “Phil Collins”
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DAYS OF OUR LIVES
Image Credit: Peacock screenshot “Where did you find her? Was she here in Salem?”
“No, our little run-in took place… beyond Salem.”
We see what you did there, Steve (Stephen Nichols)!
