Hollywood’s formal awards season may have ended with last week’s Oscars, but a spot in our Quotes of the Week compilation is a year-round accolade.
In the list below, we’ve gathered nearly 20 of television’s most memorable sound bites from the past seven days, including moments both scripted and unscripted from broadcast, cable and streaming series.
This time around, we’ve got the latest target of a Keeley Jones F-bomb on Ted Lasso, a nod to a certain 9-1-1: Lone Star storyline that’s best left forgotten, a psychedelic drug trip that leaves Party Down‘s Henry confused about his pop culture references, and American Auto‘s promise to viewers that they’ll never look at a bottle of mustard the same way again.
Also featured in this week’s roundup: double doses of The Way Home, Abbott Elementary and Grey’s Anatomy, plus quotable moments from The Last of Us, The Voice, Servant and more shows.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!
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PARTY DOWN
Image Credit: Starz screenshot “I can’t believe what I did! I’m the worst person in the whole world! What happened to me? I lost an entire guy!”
“No, Evie, there are worse people.”
“Not really! Name someone worse, I don’t know!”
“Stalin! Vlad the Impaler! John Krasinski! I mean, there are terrible people…”
“From The Office?!”
Henry (Adam Scott) hilariously confuses a beloved actor with the Unabomber while tripping on mushrooms
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TED LASSO
Image Credit: Apple TV+ screenshot “F—k you, Joe Rogan!”
We’re enjoying this trend of Keeley (Juno Temple) telling awful men to eff off (see also: Piers Morgan)
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TED LASSO (Bonus Quote!)
Image Credit: Apple TV+ screenshot “God, it’s like a real office out there! People typing and being awkward and everything!”
Keeley has officially arrived, and Rebecca (Hannah Waddingham) is quick to notice
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THE VOICE
Image Credit: NBC screenshot “I can’t wait to see him next round performing some Tim McGraw or something.”
Chance the Rapper, playfully sulking after losing a soulful singer to Blake Shelton
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9-1-1: LONE STAR
Image Credit: Fox screenshot “You only get married once, mijo. Twice in your case, but only once to someone you love.”
Apparently Carlos’ mother (Roxana Brusso) missed the memo about never bringing up the Iris marriage storyline — like, ever again
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TRUE LIES
Image Credit: CBS screenshot (2) “Think of it as a work uniform.”
“A $10,000 work uniform, Harry?”
Harry (Steve Howey) tries to help Helen (Ginger Gonzaga) get comfortable in her (two pairs of!) undercover Louboutins and such
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THE WAY HOME
Image Credit: Hallmark Channel screenshot “Look at you. You’ve aged like a moderately priced wine.”
Kat (Chyler Leigh) sees her high school friend Nick as an adult
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THE WAY HOME (Bonus Quote!)
Image Credit: Hallmark Channel screenshot “Guessing there’s no parenting books for this unique situation.”
“Well, I could write one, but I don’t think I would sell very many copies. Building Resilience in Your Time-Traveling Teenager…”
“Yeah, it’s a niche market.”
Elliot (Evan Williams) and Kat (Chyler Leigh) contemplate how to break the news to Alice that her boyfriend from 1999 is engaged in the present-day timeline
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SERVANT
Image Credit: Apple TV+ screenshot “It was the kindest thing anyone has ever done for me. I would’ve given anything to have had him for one more minute, and you gave me months with him. But this pain that I feel now, that’s part of my love for him, too. I need to feel it.”
A newly enlightened Dorothy (Lauren Ambrose) declines Leanne’s offer to once again revive her dead son Jericho
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ABBOTT ELEMENTARY
Image Credit: ABC screenshot “Draemond is changing the name to Legendary Schools Presents Abbott Charter.”
“What in the Lee Daniels?”
Barbara (Sheryl Lee Ralph) reacts to Ava’s (Janelle James) announcement about the school’s potential new moniker
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ABBOTT ELEMENTARY (Bonus Quote!)
Image Credit: ABC screenshot “I’m very good at canvassing. People always open the door for me because they think I’m a lost child.”
Janine (Quinta Brunson) is confident she can get the students’ parents on board with her petition
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NCIS
Image Credit: CBS screenshot “Agent Parker, I trust you’ll let me know where I can get a proper varenyky?”
[The senator hands Parker her card before leaving, as Vance raises an eyebrow]
“A proper varenyky? Is that a euphemism?”
“It is now.”
Senator Miller (Brigid Brannagh) is interested in Alden’s… dumplings
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NEXT LEVEL CHEF
Image Credit: Fox screenshot “Matt is freaking out, he doesn’t have a starch. You don’t need a starch in every dish, this isn’t 1978!”
Richard believes that a chef’s big problem is actually small potatoes
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AMERICAN AUTO
Image Credit: NBC screenshot “You think Richard is going to stay with me if I am the reason that a picture of his penis with a squiggle of mustard gets out on the Internet?!”
“Why would you take that picture?”
“We thought it would be sexy! It was stupid! It wasn’t. It was humiliating, OK? It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t — Did you know that mustard stains?! Did you know that it stains the skin?! I didn’t know that. I swear to God I didn’t know that!”
Katherine (Ana Gasteyer) has a meltdown with Payne’s lawyer Elliot (Humphrey Ker) about hackers releasing her and her husband’s private nudes
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GREY'S ANATOMY
Image Credit: ABC screenshot “If you bring that hyena home again tonight, I’m sleeping in my van.”
“How is that a threat?”
Blue (Harry Shum Jr.) suggests that Mika (Midori Francis) reconsider how she urges Lucas to ditch his noisy new lover
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GREY'S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)
Image Credit: ABC screenshot “That woman is yelling in [Owen’s] face!”
“It’s not you for once. This is me, trying to be encouraging.”
Bailey (Chandra Wilson) points out to Teddy (Kim Raver) the silver lining in her husband’s rocky evaluation to get off probation
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THE LAST OF US
Image Credit: HBO screenshot “So, time heals all wounds, I guess.”
“It wasn’t time that did it.”
Ellie (Bella Ramsey) and Joel (Pedro Pascal) break our hearts with what they don’t say in the Season 1 finale
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THE MANDALORIAN
Image Credit: Disney+ screenshot Mando: This is the way
Bo: This is the way
Grogu: *crab noise* pic.twitter.com/wMojJ67rFj
— ✨Sam✨ (@AGalaxyDivided) March 15, 2023
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Grogu (seemingly!) takes his first stab at the family mantra
