The Real Housewives Of New Jersey: Teresa Giudice's Best Quotes And Made-Up Phrases, Ranked!
Who knew it only took a little over a decade to invent a whole new language? And The Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice has done just that.
For 13 seasons, Teresa has been botching idioms, mispronouncing common words and just totally making things up.
Whether it's in the middle of a heated reunion conflict or during a business meeting, fans can count on Teresa to inject levity into any situation with a simple, Kelly Bundy-caliber malapropism. From her infamous "Hekyll and Jive," to her misuse of "Norwegian," I've rounded up all of Teresa's best lapses in language.
To that end, I embarked on a journey of RHONJ historical preservation, traversing from early seasons at The Brownstone... through the forgotten land of Amber Marchese and Teresa Aprea... and all the way to the Louis-laden Season 13. I've gathered all the best "Teresa-isms" below, so that her language may be documented for posterity and never go extinct.
I've even ranked the Teresa-isms according to a not-at-all scientific algorithm that subjectively calculates a word/phrase's value based on its degree of separation from reality, the quantifiable amount of humor the word/phrase deploys, and the level of embarrassment the phrase produces. (Or, what it should produce in a regular person.) All very scientific!
Don't be shy! Hit the comments below to share your favorite Teresa-ism!
12. 'I'm being raw as... as a cucumber?'
In Season 13, Teresa tried to convince Margaret that her feelings were sincere. We think she meant to say "cool as a cucumber" though the sentiment of that phrase doesn't really match what she was trying to convey...
11. 'What is it, coomin or come-in?'
It's CUMIN! But, in her defense, spice pronunciation can be tricky. We don't even want to see what might happen to Teresa when faced with "thyme," or "turmeric." Considering the other Teresa-isms on this list, "come-in" was just a gateway blunder.
10. 'I'm calm and cool like a whistle'
Teresa wanted Caroline to know she was unbothered by her criticism at the Season 3 reunion, but she just can't seem to nail down that cucumber idiom! So close.
9. 'Ingredientses'
In Season 4, Teresa tells a group of oenologists (wine-making specialists, or as her husband Joe calls them, "neurologists") that she's researching "ingredientses" for her upcoming bellini-line, that she will call "fabellinis." And this wasn't the only time Teresa mentions the made-up word. We can rely on her to say it at least once in almost every early season!
8. 'It's been a worldwind'
Teresa's return from prison whirled the winds of her life so hard that the whole world felt it! A worldwind! Honestly, we might start incorporating this one into our own conversations.
7. 'Justin Beaver'
In Season 3, Teresa tried to bribe her children to sit down for a family portrait with tickets to "Justin Beaver." Perhaps the kids would've been more inclined to obey if they weren't so busy trying to sort out: Who is Justin Beaver? An impersonator of the star they actually wanted to see? Or, a real beaver living in the New Jersey suburbs? Confusing!
6. 'She's like Hekyll and Jive'
Teresa was confused by Jacqueline's behavior in Season 4. The pair had been arguing and anyone familiar with the Queen of New Jersey knows, she DEMANDS blind loyalty. Teresa described Jacqueline's behavior in a confessional: "She's like Hekyll and Jive. Like, one minute she could be one person, and the next minute, she could be another person." The miss was so slight, I wonder if even producers didn't catch the "Jekyll and Hyde" mix-up, as the interview continued without interruption.
5. 'I'm gonna f--king blow my casket'
During a trip to Lake George, Teresa's impatience with Jackie grew. After Teresa spread a rumor about Jackie's husband's infidelity, Jackie explained her hurt feelings by using a metaphor about Teresa's daughter. A fed-up Teresa told the rest of the cast she would not be apologizing to Jackie, and that she was soon going to "blow a casket," meaning to say she was close to "blowing a gasket," unless the disagreement was more deadly than we thought.
4. 'Corn rolls'
When looking at photos to be featured in her upcoming book, Teresa said one of the pictures was from the day she took out her "corn rolls." I have to assume she meant corn rows, but then again "corn rolls" could be a New Jersey thing? Like Taylor ham?
3. 'We're supposed to get a Norwegian'
In Season 3, when discussing the weather, Teresa confused a Norwegian person with a Nor'easter storm.
2. 'It's good to laugh and release those endorphins and saratogans'
Sara-who? Sara Togan? Did I go to high school with that girl? Wait, serotonins!
1. 'Brown chicka brown chown'
I, mean, wow.
What is there to say? Teresa even got a seductive onomatopoeia wrong. Her version of "bow chicka wow wow" sounded more like a flavor of Purina dog food than anything indicative of sexytime. This Teresa-ism takes the cake because even though it's only a few letters off, it's so wrong, yet so memorable.