You didn’t think we’d let a Sunday morning go by without sharing our favorite Quotes of the Week, did you?
In the list below, we’ve gathered more than a dozen of television’s most memorable sound bites from the past seven days, including moments both scripted and unscripted from broadcast, cable and streaming series.
This time around, we’ve got a poignant monologue from one of Ted Lasso‘s Greyhounds, a sweet sendoff for a certain Farmer Wants a Wife contestant, Blake Shelton’s latest razzing of Niall Horan on The Voice, and a Survivor moment that’s really more of a sound effect than a line of dialogue.
Also featured in this week’s roundup: double doses of Succession (read Episode 4 recap) and Abbott Elementary‘s sophomore finale (read our post mortem Q&A with Quinta Brunson).
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!
NCIS: LOS ANGELES
“Some days you’re the pigeon, some days you’re the statue.”
Special Agent Van Zant (Rose Abdoo) brings bad news to Callen and Sam
“Wait, so you did watch Night at the Museum?”
“I take all of your recommendations seriously. I want to know why you like stuff.”
Gregory (Tyler James Williams) earns major points with Janine (Quinta Brunson) and us
ABBOTT ELEMENTARY (Bonus Quote!)
“More than 80 percent of the ocean has never been explored by humans. Aliens might already be here, drinking Mai Tais and using the Indian Ocean as a lazy river.”
Ava (Janelle James) tells the students about her extraterrestrial conspiracy theory
“Well, you didn’t letter in anything, obviously.”
Blake Shelton can’t help but tease Niall Horan for wearing a letterman jacket with no letter on it
“Sally, we’re both victims here. He was obsessed with us. He treated us like superstars. As actors, that’s really hard to resist.”
Gene (Henry Winkler) thinks he and Sally can’t beat themselves up for not seeing Barry’s dark side
FARMER WANTS A WIFE
“You can’t cage a bird that flies as high as you do.”
Landon lets Kylie go, so that she can continue her good work in D.C.
THE DIPLOMAT (Episode 1)
“You know who you can’t fire? Cinderella.”
Kate (Keri Russell) finally acquiesces to getting dressed up for a fancy Vogue photo shoot, but only because it could save her job as ambassador
“The negative case would go: You’re a clumsy interloper and no one trusts you. The only guy pulling for you is dead. And now, you’re just married to the ex-boss’s daughter, and she doesn’t even like you. And you are fair and squarely f—ked.”
Tom’s (Matthew Macfadyen) suggestion that he take over as Waystar Royco’s interim CEO is met with surprisingly savage pushback from Karl (David Rasche)
SUCCESSION (Bonus Quote!)
“We’re calling her a taxi to the subway, so that she can go home to her little apartment.”
Kerry may have been Logan’s latest romantic partner, but Marcia (Hiam Abbass) is making it very clear who actually runs the show here
[Danny loudly passes gas.]
“That was nice. Well-timed… so glad I’m not up there!”
Danny Massa’s inner 6-year-old lets loose (and impresses Jeff?) during Wednesday’s immunity challenge
THE MARVELOUS MRS. MAISEL
“Next time, there’s going to be ‘tech.'”
Reeling from Midge’s disastrous performance in his trash-themed musical, mobster-turned-nascent theater producer Nicky (John Scurti) surprises Susie with his impressive grasp of stage lingo
STAR TREK: PICARD
“You had this in there the whole time? A phaser, and you didn’t use it?”
“Swords are fun.”
Worf (Michael Dorn) explains to Riker (Jonathan Frakes) that he likes his fights to be a little more challenging
“My whole life is two lives, really. You’ve got my work life. No one at the club knows. I’d like to think they wouldn’t care, but it’s just easier that way. Then you’ve got my dating life. Some guys think it’s hot. Others say they don’t care, but eventually they get tired and they move on. And then the club brought in Dr. Sharon, and she helped me realize that I have an ache — an ache for both my lives to be my only life. I don’t want to be a spokesperson. I don’t want a bunch of apologies. All I want is for when we win a match, to be able to kiss my fella the same way the guys get to kiss their girls. And I know we can’t fix every ache inside of us. But I shouldn’t have to pretend it’s not there, either.”
Colin (Billy Harris) beautifully sums up his inner turmoil over whether to publicly come out as gay
“Personal checks and credit cards accepted, payable within 30 days. And that isn’t a request.”
Frank (Tom Selleck) hands over a bill for the NYPD’s services, which were demanded/”not a request”-ed by the mayor