Quotes Of The Week For Feb. 19, 2017

ncis-los-angeles-oh-snap-quote

"Ohhh, snap."

Deeks (Eric Christian Olsen) succinctly sums up the team's reaction to the CIA Officer Taylor reveal

girls-justin-trudeau-theroux-quote

"We can't all be perfect, OK? Everyone has their own path. We can't all be Justin Trudeau."

"Wait, you mean Justin Theroux, right?"

Elijah (Andrew Rannells) tries to put things into perspective for Shoshanna (Zosia Mamet), but she's not quite getting it

workaholics-turtles-eat-pizza-quote

"He's a rescue. He was going to be eaten at the pet store by a snapping turtle, but I saved him, and now he's our mascot."

"Oh, you dumb-dumb. Turtles don't eat mice, they eat pizza. And I think you know this. You've seen all the films."

Why are we not surprised that a conversation between Blake (Blake Anderson) and Adam (Adam DeVine) about a mouse named Nipples took such a stupid turn?

timeless-wikipedia-quote

"Forget about it, the Lifeboat's only meant to carry three people."

"OK, well, what happens with four?"

"Let me just check Wikipedia for 'Sending an Additional Organism Through a Wormhole'!"

Rufus (Malcolm Barrett) doesn't have at the ready the answers Wyatt (Matt Lanter) is looking for

timeless-rittenhouse-gay-quote

"Is it just me, or is Rittenhouse way more gay than I thought it would be?"

Wyatt (Matt Lanter) and Lucy track her grandpa to a secret gay club circa 1954

mom-ben-franklin-haircut-quote

"You know, you really shouldn't text during the meeting."

"Yeah? Well, you really shouldn't have Ben Franklin's haircut, but here we are."

Bonnie (Allison Janney) takes a crack at Marjorie's (Mimi Kennedy) somewhat familiar 'do

seth-meyers-panic-new-state-quote

"The American flag behind Vice President Mike Pence during his speech in Brussels yesterday accidentally featured 51 stars instead of 50, in honor of the new 51st U.S. state: panic."

the-flash-gorilla-city-quote

"Slow down, why did your dad go to Gorilla City?"

"Slow down even further — what is a Gorilla City?"

Barry (Grant Gustin) and Joe (Jesse L. Martin) process Jesse's bananas news

big-bang-theory-sheldon-thunderstorm-quote

"Here's the hotel room we all share."

"Well, you and I would get our own room, right?"

"Every hotel is booked, but see this space here between Sheldon's feet and my head? That's where you go."

"Well, it's no different than when Sheldon used to climb into bed with us during a thunderstorm."

Penny (Kaley Cuoco) tries to make the best of an uncomfortable situation when Leonard (Johnny Galecki) details the sleeping arrangements for Comic-Con

big-bang-theory-new-friends-quote

"I'm going to Comic-Con."

"By yourself?"

"Not necessarily. I have four months to find some new friends."

"I'll go with you!"

"That's very kind of you, Stuart. Check back in with me in July."

Amy and his friends might not be willing to go to Comic-Con, but that doesn't mean Sheldon (Jim Parsons) is willing to go with Stuart (Kevin Sussman)

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"So, we fight our way through the trained military personnel, then the ultra-powerful android doubles of our friends, somehow make it to the Zephyr, which we can't fly, to escape the base and somehow plug our minds into an alternate reality?"

"OK, well, don't say it out loud. Because that made it sound way worse."

Jemma (Elizabeth Henstridge) gets clear on Daisy's (Chloe Bennet) ambitious plan

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"I'm in."

"That was fast."

"Well, her password is 1-2-3-4, and she has a file here named 'Oliver Queen Info' — because she is suuuuper-original."

Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) hacks Susan Williams' computer in a flash

ncis-internet-apartment-quote

"I can't get decent Internet in my apartment, and this guy's online?"

Alex (Jennifer Esposito) tracks a hacker to an extremely remote outpost

superstore-jurassic-park-quote

"You don't know the situation. This is like Jurassic Park. You start messing around with something you don't know anything about, and before you know it, you're getting bit in half while you're sitting on the toilet."

Wise words from Garrett (Colton Dunn) about the dangers of meddling in other people's affairs

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"Hey, what do you think is the worst Supreme Court decision of all time?"

Glenn (Mark McKinney) tries to learn whether Sandra — who he thinks is pregnant — would ever consider getting an abortion

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"Oh, my Dad. I love that, you and I, both single fathers. I could use a little dad advice right about now. When do you let them date?"

Lucifer (Mark Pellegrino) taunts Crowley, the King of Hell

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"I don't want to do it. Because if I die, I don't want to be strapped to you like an infant."

Danny (Scott Caan) isn't high on skydiving with Steve

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"This is Monterey! We pound people with nice!"

"To death."

Madeline (Reese Witherspoon) and Celeste (Nicole Kidman) welcome new friend Jane to town — in ominous fashion

john-oliver-one-state-solution-quote

"What the f—k are you talking about?! The whole problem is [that] the people on each side who want a one-state solution generally cannot agree on what state it should be. No one's really expecting them to say, 'Hey, we agreed on one state, and it's Peru!'"

Oliver tries (and fails) to make sense of President Trump's remarks about supporting a one-state solution that both Israel and Palestine can agree on

legends-of-tomorrow-thieves-smell-quote

"[Sniffs air] Thieves, they have a certain smell..."

"I thought that was just because you didn't bathe."

Mick (Dominic Purcell) gets wind of Stein (Victor Garber) pinching some future tech

legends-of-tomorrow-the-king-quote

"The king... has left the building. [beat] You don't get the reference? Aww, pity."

Alas, Damien Darhk (Neal McDonough), even Stargirl predates Elvis Presley

the-magicians-attractive-progeny-quote

"It may suck all the moisture from my tongue, but damned if I'm not going to toast this s—t. [Lifts wine glass] To our violently attractive progeny."

Eliot's (Hale Appleman) response to his wife's pregnancy is... interesting

this-is-us-you-get-a-cousin-quote

"You get a cousin. You get a cousin! Everybody gets a cousin!! [Silence] Sorry, I was raised by white people. I don't know better."

Randall (Sterling K. Brown) channels his inner Oprah while meeting his biological cousins for the first time

this-is-us-two-best-things-quote

"I haven't had a happy life. Bad breaks, bad choices. A life of almosts and could-haves. Some would call it sad, but I don't. 'Cause the two best things in my life were the person in the very beginning, and the person at the very end."

William (Ron Cephas Jones) reflects on his life — and in turn gives us all the feels

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