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Quotes of the Week for Oct. 23, 2016
SUPERNATURAL
“We should call the Internet and find out as much as we can about these people. Did I say that right?”
Mary (Samantha Smith) is still adjusting to modern technology after being dead for 33 years
SUPERNATURAL (Bonus Quote!)
“It’s witchcraft, not Google Maps.”
Rowena (Ruth Connell), after Crowley needles her about not being able to find Lucifer’s location
THE GOOD PLACE
“Attention! I have been murdered! Attention! I have been murdered!”
The ever-chipper computer assistant Janet (D’Arcy Carden) cheerfully informs the citizenry that she has been terminated
GREY’S ANATOMY
“Wait, I hugged you, and you haven’t even peed on a stick yet?”
Meredith (Ellen Pompeo), upon learning that she’d congratulated Amelia on what was only a suspected pregnancy
THE DAILY SHOW WITH TREVOR NOAH
“I get that most Americans are tired of hearing about wars in the Middle East, especially when you have your own war at home against a Tic Tac-sucking p—y monster.”
THE REAL O’NEALS
“You are so good at being straight. It’s such a waste of talent — it’s like you turning gay was when Jordan went to play baseball.”
“Jordin Sparks played baseball?!”
Jimmy’s (Matt Shivley) analogy about his brother’s aptitude for advice about girls is completely lost on Kenny (Noah Galvin)
AMERICAN HORROR STORY: ROANOKE
“The blood moon is coming.”
“Is that bad?”
Rory (Evan Peters), blissfully unaware of the direness of Matt’s (André Holland) forecast
THE FLASH
“Look, Harry, only a couple things are different…”
“I’m sure. Not.”
“Really? You guys are doing ‘Not’ on Earth-Two now?”
Cisco (Carlos Valdes) questions Harry’s (Tom Cavanagh) outdated slang
INSECURE
“He had the nerve to dump me ’cause I told him I never went to the beach ’til college. N—a? You sell Obama puzzles at the African marketplace and you’re gonna judge me?”
Molly (Yvonne Orji) shares another dating-app horror story
FRESH OFF THE BOAT
“Imagination’s free, man. It doesn’t cost you anything to make me feel good.”
Even in Eddie’s big-men-on-campus fantasy, Brian (Dash Williams) is still a tiny one
ATLANTA
“Question: Have you ever had to throw out another bouncer?”
“Yeah.”
“How was it?”
“Hard. He knew all the moves.”
Darius (Keith Stanfield) bonds with the VIP club bouncer (Roscoe Johnson) over old war stories
MARVEL’S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D.
“I get his car now, right? Isn’t that how this works?”
Coulson (Clark Gregg) wants Ghost Rider’s pinks, after he and Lola defeat the hothead on Thunder Road
MARVEL’S AGENTS OF S.H.I.E.L.D. (Bonus Quote!)
“Did two fire dudes just drop into a warehouse full of fireworks?”
“You had to see that coming.”
Indeed, Phil (Clark Gregg)
THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT
“Now, folks, there are a lot of signs the economy is improving, but there are still a lot of people out there struggling to find work. Did you know unemployment is currently at 100 percent among America’s Billy Bushes?”
HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER
“So much for that 100-percent Indian hair.”
Annalise (Viola Davis) expresses a regret as Wes (Alfred Enoch) cleans post-bender vomit from her new weave
THE LAST MAN ON EARTH
“I think I already know the answer to this, but I gotta ask: Can we bring Cher?”
Carol (Kristen Schaal) asks her fellow survivors if they can take Cher’s corpse with them upon leaving Malibu
NO TOMORROW
“He’s a cyber ghost. [beat] Ooh, I think I got a great idea for a TV show!”
While searching for info on Xavier, Hank (Jonathan Langdon) stumbles upon a gold mine
FAMILY GUY
"I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her."
"That's the cheapest breath mint. I thought you were a billionaire."
Peter (Seth MacFarlane), who was apparently on the Access Hollywood bus with Donald Trump and Billy Bush, comments on Trump's choice of breath freshener
THE BIG BANG THEORY
“OK, I’m confused. Which one is Mr. Robot?”
“I’ll give you a hint. We’re watching Daredevil.”
Penny (Kaley Cuoco) can’t keep up with all of Leonard’s (Johnny Galecki) TV obsessions
THE BIG BANG THEORY (Bonus Quote!)
“So you’re back out on the dating scene now?”
“Yeah, a little.”
“Oh, that must be fun. How’s that going?”
“Well, I’m in a hot tub with you, so pretty bad.”
Stuart (Kevin Sussman) asks Raj (Kunal Nayyar) about his post-Claire-and-Emily love life
ONCE UPON A TIME
“More pancakes… Usually I’m lucky to get a lukewarm cup of coffee on your way to work.”
“Can’t a father cook for his daughter?”
“Sure, but I’m the Savior. Not a Romanian power lifter.”
Emma (Jennifer Morrison) flips over Dad’s plethora of flapjacks
THE MINDY PROJECT
“Can you believe these nurses, asking for more money for the same job they’ve done for years? Who do they think they are? The cast of The Big Bang Theory?”
Mindy (Mindy Kaling) takes a swipe at TV’s highest paid sitcom ensemble
LUCIFER
“And how’s that human husband?”
“I discovered a trick with him: Whenever he asks a question, I just have sex with him. Seems to render him mute.”
“Hmm. Took me a while to figure that one out.”
“As for the rest of it… These humans are awful. They breathe through their mouths, and they won’t… shut… up about something called gluten.”
Maze (Lesley-Ann Brandt) taunts Charlotte (Tricia Helfer) about her Hell-on-Earth existence
TIMELESS
“Because in ’62, I’m pretty much invisible. It’s my superpower.”
Rufus (Malcolm Barrett) explains how he can walk into any room and take anything
NEW GIRL
“I appreciate the fact that you’re a very dramatic man, but the next time you start a conversation with, ‘This is the hardest thing that I have ever had to say to you,’ it better end with, ‘I’m gay now,’ ‘I found a lump in my nut’ or, ‘He came out of nowhere. Help me get the blood off my car.'”
Cece (Hannah Simone) warns Schmidt about getting too dramatic
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