Quotes Of The Week For Oct. 13, 2019
We've rounded up the best TV quotes from Oct. 13 through Oct. 19, 2019. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!
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LAST WEEK TONIGHT WITH JOHN OLIVER
"There's just nothing more cringeworthy than watching someone forced to engage in promotional bulls—t to appease the whims of their parent company. And speaking of parent companies, that actually reminds me [clears throat] ... Have you heard about HBO Max? Looking to add another app and monthly charge to watch things? HBO Max has you covered. It's gonna have all your favorites: Reruns of The Big Bang Theory, reruns of Friends, reruns of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air... You can pay for all of those through HBO Max. HBO Max: It's not HBO. It's just TV."
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THE GOOD DOCTOR
"Will we be doing this during all of the commercials?"
Shaun (Freddie Highmore) checks in with Carly to make sure he's got a grasp on the whole kissing situation
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NCIS
"More finger pointing."
You've gotta (severed) hand it to witty McGee (Sean Murray)...
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THE CONNERS
"Hey, Darlene... looks like you got a big problem there! And a flat tire."
Jackie (Laurie Metcalf) looks on as Darlene's two loves, Ben and David, come face-to-face for the first time to fix her flat tire
The Strike Zone
MADAM SECRETARY
"Oh my God, I broke the White House!"
President McCord (Téa Leoni) freaks when indoor practice to throw out the first pitch goes awry
the-flash-lady-gaga-quote
THE FLASH
"I've discovered that poetry can stimulate collapsed neuro pathways."
"Lady Gaga usually works for me."
Barry (Grant Gustin) is a little monster!
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AMERICAN HORROR STORY: 1984
"Look at my f—king face! It's your fault I'm a monster! It's your fault I'll never be on the cover of TV Guide! It's your fault my future is in radio!"
We get that Xavier (Cody Fern) is upset, but what makes him think he's even going to survive long enough to make it to radio?
bobs-burgers-marvelous-mrs-maisel-quote
BOB'S BURGERS
"Are they watching The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel while they wait for ribs? Is this heaven?"
Gene (Eugene Mirman), suddenly interested in his tour of a firehouse
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S.W.A.T.
"So you're happy...?"
"That's a big word for a short word. I'm, um... I'm content."
Street (Alex Russell) checks in on Chris' (Lina Esco) polyamorous relationship
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LEGACIES
"What is this place?"
"This is the old mill. I mean, it's the only mill, but we also call it the old mill for some reason."
Lizzie (Jenny Boyd) has absolutely no chill around Sebastian (Thomas Doherty)
the-good-place-demon-stages-quote
THE GOOD PLACE
"Demons can't die. He'll slowly reform himself over a few months, passing through all the stages of demon growth: larva, slug monster, spooky little girl, teenage boy, giant ball of tongues, social media CEO and then finally demon."
Michael (Ted Danson) explains the many levels of demon evolution
htgawm-hitting-on-me-quote
HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER
"Robert, are you hitting on me? Maybe you're gay or just nice, but people think that you're hitting on me."
Annalise (Viola Davis) gets down to brass tacks with a potential love interest at Caplan & Gold
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PRODIGAL SON
"Malcolm, chloroform is both toxic and volatile."
"Two extremely underrated qualities."
Malcolm (Tom Payne) shocks his therapist (Charlayne Woodard) by revealing he inhaled chloroform to trigger childhood memories
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WHY WOMEN KILL (Bonus Quote!)
"So help me, if you do anything disfiguring, I will give you an open-casket funeral with no make-up and fluorescent lighting."
"Dear God. I married the devil herself."
Simone (Lucy Liu) warns Karl (Jack Davenport) of what's to come if he chooses a gruesome way to end his own life
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WHY WOMEN KILL
"The Bible says thou shalt not kill. God might not understand."
"Maybe not. But I'm sure God's wife will."
Mary (Analeigh Tipton) isn't sure she can go through with killing her husband... but Beth Ann (Ginnifer Goodwin) has a solid counterpoint
hawaii-five-0-english-mastiff-quote
HAWAII FIVE-0
"I think she has a beautiful English mastiff."
"All right, we'll get Eddie a date next. Let's get you a date first."
At the dog park, Steve (Alex O'Loughlin) finds a woman's best friend to be quite... fetching
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THE FLASH (Bonus Quote!)
"Calling all White Walkers!!!"
Cisco (Carlos Valdes) struggles to get Killer Frost's attention
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BATWOMAN
"Besides, if I were going to save you in a dramatic fashion, I would totally dress as Wonder Woman."
Kate (Ruby Rose) deflects Sophie's suggestion that her ex has gone batty
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NCIS: LOS ANGELES
"I could blow your head clean off."
"Yeah, right."
"Do you doubt me? You don't know me."
"What the hell is that, some catchphrase? You sound like a bad '60s cologne ad.... And the way you're holding that revolver proves to me that you've never even fired it."
"Oh, you think so?"
"I know so. You can't shoot it one-handed. Not with those 'pipe cleaners.' I've seen bigger arms on Somali pirates."
Kilbride (Gerald McRaney) is not at all intimidated by a gamer boy/crime boss
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ARROW
"Back on my Earth, you had a better teacher."
Oliver (Stephen Amell) pauses his Earth-Two adventure to throw shade at the Dark Archer
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SUCCESSION
"What if your toenails are not all that aesthetically pleasing?"
"Sails out, nails out, bro."
As they will later learn, Gregory (Nicholas Braun) puts the "fun" in fungal
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TITANS
"Come on. Deathstroke messed with my head, too — doesn't mean you can't dance. It's just like fighting. Without the blood."
Uh, sure — whatever you say, Rose (Chelsea Zhang)