Quotes Of The Week From Faking It, Supernatural, Modern Family, Bob's Burgers, Kimmel & More!

The Wendy Williams Show

"Church girls do thangs, too."

Wendy Williams, counseling a fan to keep an eye on her husband's close female friend, whom he met at Sunday services

Revolution

"Well, have a nice trip, sweetheart. Enjoy all the... torture."

Miles (Billy Burke), bidding adieu to the traitorous POTUS

Supernatural

"Winning a People's Choice Award? Not quite the real deal, now is it?"

Metatron (Curtis Armstrong), getting meta

Supernatural (Bonus Quote)

"I'm proud of us."

Dean's (Jensen Ackles) final words to Sam (Jared Padalecki)

Jimmy Kimmel Live

"'Oh, f*** off, June Squibb.' @Ben1283, you f*** off."

Oscar nominee June Squibb, hilariously reading and responding to a hater as part of Kimmel's ongoing Celebrities Reading 'Mean Tweets' feature

Modern Family

"Just so you know, sometimes when babies come this early, they're black."

Elizabeth Banks' about-to-prematurely pop Sal hedging her bets to presumed (and utterly clueless) baby-daddy Eddie

Modern Family (Bonus Quote!)

"But we don't know a thing about this place."

"Oh, my mistake. Let's go over it. It's a quaint, rustic spot, though its chief selling point is it's not about to become a kiln!"

With wedding venue No. 1 compromised by a wildfire, Pepper (Nathan Lane) explains Plan B to Mitchell

Penny Dreadful

"It was a riveting performance. The dilettantes among the company were outraged. But if one is to engage with the primordial forces of darkness, one must expect a bit of... social awkwardness."

Sir Ferdinand Lyle (Simon Russell Beale), shrugging off the downside of Vanessa's vulgar possession during his mid-party seance

Inside Amy Schumer

"Paranormal Sexual Assault, The Decapitating, The Frightening, The Crispening, The Worsening, The Haunting of David Finkelstein..."

Amy and her boyfriend reading faux horror film titles while trying to find a movie on demand

Bob's Burgers

"Well, look at the bright side. With the water this high, we can finally go to the bathroom without being embarrassed."

Mr. Fischoeder (Kevin Kline), showing fellow kidnappee Bob the silver lining in the rising tide

Hannibal

"He'll try to kill you in the kitchen — for convenience. Make it easier to prepare the tartare."

Will (Hugh Dancy) warning his boss Jack (Laurence Fishburne) before a potentially deadly dinner date with the titular serial killer

Faking It

"You'll have to have to smell the flowers in her attic later. We're leaving!"

Shane (Michael J. Willett) pulling Liam out of a bar... and away from a hot-yet-incestuous set of twins

Late Night With Seth Meyers

"An off-duty Philadelphia police lieutenant was removed from duty after being charged with masturbating inside a Starbucks. And you could tell he was at Starbucks because he called out the wrong name."

Meyers' May 21 monologue roasts the coffee chain's habit of name-mangling

Bad Teacher

"You know, I've heard a lot of women have a fantasy about sleeping with a gym teacher."

"Really? Well, I've heard a lot of women lie to guys with crappy jobs to make them feel better."

Joel (Ryan Hansen) and Meredith (Ari Graynor), engaging in some post-coital sparring

The Bachelorette

"Patrick and I actually get along pretty well. The guy dresses well, he's very suave, I feel like we have a lot in common."

"I feel as if Andrew and I are on a little bit of a different level than some of the other guys. He's definitely more my caliber kind of guy."

Suitors Andrew and Patrick, expressing more excitement about one another in their confessionals than they do for Bachelorette Andi

Awkward

"Show us your balls!"

Aunt Ally (Barret Swatek) cutting the tension after Matty's uncomfortable stand-up routine during the Mr. Palos Hills pageant

Awkward

"Living off five-dollar footlongs saves me a ton of cash, which is going into the gas fund so I can come see you."

Luke's (Evan Williams) Skype date with Jenna came complete with some poorly veiled product placement. Anyone else craving Subway?