Quotes Of The Week: Best Zingers From Justified, Dallas, Single Ladies, Hart Of Dixie & More

Dallas

"Just so you know, Afton — the most despicable thing J.R. ever did... was you."

Sue Ellen (Linda Gray), putting bride-to-be Pamela's mother in her place

Cougar Town

"Bobby's a very nurturing bitch."

Ellie (Christa Miller), observing Bobby (Brian Van Holt) feeding his puppies their "morning yum-yums" from his chest

Grey's Anatomy

"This is you."

"I'm an asterisk."

"No. You think you are the white-hot center of the universe. Also, it looks like a butthole. Either way, it works."

Callie (Sara Ramirez), not just sharing but illustrating her opinion of Derek (Patrick Dempsey)

The Following

"I don't believe in relationships. Someone always ends up dead."

Serial killer Emma (Valorie Curry), musing about why she's destined to fly solo

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

"Kathie Lee Gifford announced that she is launching her own brand of wine. And just like Kathie Lee, you can find it in any liquor store."

Jimmy Fallon, making a not-so-subtle dig at the Today host's love of alcohol

The Good Wife

"Oh, by the way, you should look into an anti-Semitic, costumed, furry bear in Times Square."

Elsbeth (Carrie Preston), dropping one of her typical non sequiturs, after catching on tape Office of Public Integrity enforcer Nelson Dubeck (Eric Bogosian) saying something damning about her client

Bob's Burgers

"You know a lot about bat mitzvahs for someone who thought Hanukkah was Han Solo and Chewbacca's baby."

Louise (Kristen Schaal), expressing her skepticism of Tina's sudden authority on the subject

Live With Kelly & Michael

"Looking into those ping-pong ball eyes all day long.... I get the Mr. & Mrs. Smith of it all."

Guest Tina Fey, confessing to her on-set romance with Muppets Most Wanted co-star Kermit the Frog

Glee

"You all cheer now, but wait 'til he starts rapping."

Santana (Naya Rivera), tempering everyone's enthusiasm for a musical moment from Will Schuester (Matthew Morrison)

Hart of Dixie

"Well, what do you know? Lemon is the new black."

Wade (Wilson Bethel), responding to Lemon 's(Jaime King) request to pick her up from jail

Justified

[Operator: "You have a collect call from -- 'Raylan Givens, don't hang up? It's Dickie Bennett!' -- an inmate at the Tramble Federal Penitentiary. Will you accept the charges?"]

Imprisoned Dickie (Jeremy Davies), reaching out to Raylan (Timothy Olyphant)

Parenthood

"It's, like, 11:30 in the morning. It's really that bad? We're at Defcon Wake and Bake?"

Amber (Mae Whitman), chiding Drew (Miles Heizer) for his liberal marijuana use

Arrow

"So this is your unit, huh, Waller? What, OJ and Charles Manson weren't available?"

Diggle (David Ramsey), casting a side-eye at the sketchy sorts comprising The Suicide Squad

Arrow (Bonus Quote!)

"That's two you owe me, Junior."

Deadshot (Michael Rowe) — who's apparently a Star Wars fan — after saving Diggle's life a second time

NCIS: LA

"I still think I'd make a better sailor than you."

"Nobody's buying you as Navy. Unless it's Old Navy."

Callen (Chris O'Donnell) and Sam (LL Cool J), quibbling over who should have pulled an undercover assignment

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

"Dancing's outlawed? Jump back!"

The Following's Kevin Bacon, just before paying tribute to his 1984 film Footloose with a rockin' dance number

Grimm

"I want to thank you for changing my life, because if it hadn't been for you, I never would've met Rosalee. And for that, I am truly grateful. So... will you pay for the wedding?"

Monroe (Silas Weir Mitchell) joking around with Nick before asking him to be his best man

RuPaul's Drag Race

"This is not Sisters of the Traveling Pantyhose. I don't care to be best friends with them."

Bianca Del Rio, reminding viewers that she's in a competition, not a sorority

Single Ladies

"Since you brought up tripping, please go see that she does."

Felicia (Letoya Luckett), sending her personal fashion designer Omar on a sabotage mission after he says he "must be trippin'" at the sight of a random woman wearing a jumpsuit made exclusively for Felicia

Single Ladies (Bonus Quote!)

"If being your own boss includes reading fashion magazines and snacking on the couch all day — sign me up!"

Omar (Travis Winfrey), responding to glamorous Raquel's boast that she loves being self-employed

Suits

"You really are a dick."

"I'm Moby goddamn Dick, and you just swam in my waters."

Scottie (Abagail Spencer) and Louis (Rick Hoffman), engaging in an office power struggle

Trophy Wife

"Do you, Kate, take this man, Pete, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to cherish, as long as you both — as long as Pete shall live?"

A web-ordained Jackie (Michaela Watkins), marrying Kate (Malin Ackerman) and the older Pete (Bradley Whitford)