Quotes Of The Week For Nov. 13, 2016

"Nothing? Nothing?? No hug?"

"I'm so happy to see you now, I'll give you a hug. I'll give you a kiss. Pick a base."

Steve (Alex O'Loughlin) wants a li'l something for saving Danny's (Scott Caan) bacon

"I do really feel for the... parents with daughters, because a lot of them... probably thought Hillary would be our first woman president, but she won't be. But that does mean that someone's daughter is out there right now who will one day have that title... I imagine this moment today will be a defining one for you — one that will make you work harder, and strive farther. Whoever you are, I hope I live to see your inauguration, and I hope my mom does, too."

"I've decided to try and walk a mile in another man's shoes. See the world from a different perspective. I'm going to learn how to douche. [Pauses] I... I may have to rephrase that one."

Lucifer (Tom Ellis) shares with Chloe his plan to shadow Dan aka "Detective Douche"

"We all have negative s—t we think about everyone in our lives."

"Yeah, but writing it down makes it real. Like websites, or fortune cookies."

Gretchen (Aya Cash) and Lindsay (Kether Donohue) consider the power of the written word

"That's Snart's jacket..."

"I thought it'd help me get into character. I'm 'Colonel Cold.'"

"The hell you are. You're not going to give yourself a promotion."

Mick (Dominic Purcell) gives Ray's (Brandon Routh) alter ego a chilly reception

"If you are afraid of gettin' on the wrong side of your daddy, you don't wanna get on the wrong side of your mama, you feel me? I said do you feel me?"

While laying down the law, Cookie (Taraji P. Henson) grabs son Hakeem's cheek for emphasis

"When Hillary Clinton found out she lost, she conceded with grace and dignity. When Gary Johnson found out he lost, he was like, 'Wait, the election was yesterday?!'"

"Do you know what it was like to have a Nazi necromancer for a father? It sucked. Christmas was a joke. Career Day at school was a nightmare."

Christoph's (Keenan Tracey) problems are a little different than the average child's

"Heil this."

Dean (Jensen Ackles), right before shooting a resurrected Hitler in the head

"What were you thinking?!"

"That I haven't had sex in 35 years...?"

"You can't do that here!"

"Are you sure? Because I've been watching a TV show about doctors and I'm pretty sure it's OK."

Kara (Melissa Benoist) flogs Mon-El (Chris Wood) for his file room hook-up with Miss Tessmacher

"It made me realize how ignorant I've been about the drug cartel in Mexico."

"I always thought it was about a girl named Sicario, so I was way off."

Molly (Yvonne Orji) is just a wee bit less informed than her co-worker about the topical 2015 film

"That's not what my friend here tells me. He says you can do exactly that: Activate hosts, and then erase their memory — all without anyone knowing. Took me all of five minutes to ascertain why. Lot of lonely young men down here. Supposed to keep their hands off the merchandise. It creates something of an opening that I'm sure you were eager to fill."

Robot brothel madame Maeve (Thandie Newton) has an inkling about technician Sylvester's predilections — and she's not afraid to exploit 'em

"No one should need artificial stimulants to get through the 'Bonnie Plunkett Trio.'"

"Don't forget your mouth. It's a quartet."

"Of course, if you really like the guy, it's a quint—"

"That's enough, Wendy!"

Wendy (Beth Hall) takes the innuendo a bit too far when discussing Bonnie's (Allison Janney) sex life

"I'm all ears — truly."

Harry (Russell Tovey) makes a joke at his own expense as he tells Ryan he's ready to listen

"Black Friday is the most important day of the year, and the key to getting through it is to stay calm. No matter what happens, I am going to stay 'Obama cool.' OK, Chris, we all know how you feel about Obama. You can stay 'George W. Bush cool.' Remember how calm he was on 9/11?"

Yep, Glenn (Mark McKinney) went there

"Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers. Apparently Black Friday has begun. From all of us here at Cloud 9, have a great Purge!"

To Garrett (Colton Dunn), Black Friday looks a lot like a certain horror movie franchise

"'And so it begins'? Who knew Prometheus was a Babylon 5 fanboy?"

[Oliver scoffs]

"Don't judge until you've seen it."

Felicity (Emily Bett Rickards) speaks for the episode's co-writer, Babylon 5 superfan Brian Ford Sullivan

"We have been here before. We have had bitter, angry elections for 200 years, whether it was Jefferson vs. Burr, Adams vs. Jackson, Lincoln vs. Douglass, Alien vs. Predator..."

"What is Adder's Fork?"

"Snake's tongue. There was some of that in the thing I had to drink to find Aladdin."

"And you kiss me with that mouth?"

Hook (Colin O'Donoghue) is all, "What the fork?"

"How much will it hurt... on a scale of one to 10, where 'one' is a pebble in your shoe and '10' is the monkey you thought was your pet biting your face off?"

"A two."

"Eating a whole Altoid?!"

Sheldon (Jim Parsons) asks Amy (Mayim Bialik) how much pain he can expect when she takes a skin sample

"Your energy should be sexy."

"Should we ask my mom first?"

Laurie Hernandez, 16, isn't so sure about her seductive Argentine tango with partner Val Chmerkovskiy

"On the table, you were willing and able..."

"On the ottoman, you took a lotta man..."

Josh (Vincent Rodriguez III) and Greg (Santino Fontana) sing about their sexual romps with Rebecca in "We Tapped That Ass"

"So, I'm under house arrest?"

"I prefer to call it 'protective custody.'"

"I don't even get a chair to sit on."

"No, because you would figure out how to turn that chair into a cannon, or..."

"Come on, I need propellant to make a cannon."

Thornton (Sandrine Holt) knows full well (or, close to it) what Mac (Lucas Till) is capable of

"I'm not high right now, but whoever gave us this show, they must have been."

Snoop Dogg points out the obvious at the start of his new VH1 cooking show with Martha Stewart

"This is the weirdest group of people ever on a stage together."

Guest Seth Rogen acknowledges the absurdity of appearing on a cooking show with Martha Stewart, Snoop Dogg and Wiz Khalifa

"You may have heard that there was a presidential election on Tuesday. The big winner was alcohol."