You probably couldn’t blame George Clooney and new wife Amal Alamuddin if they’d lost touch with their senses of humor after enduring Giuliana Rancic’s red-carpet drinking game. But the glam newlyweds showed no signs of fatigue — and laughed enthusiastically — as co-host Tina Fey worked this feminist-minded zinger into her opening monologue: “Amal is a human-rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an adviser to Kofi Annan regarding Syria and was selected for a three-person U.N. panel investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza Strip. So tonight, her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award. How stupid!”
MOST SCATHING JOKE
We kinda knew they were going to go there, but nothing could’ve fully prepared us for this brutal opening-monologue zinger from co-host Poehler. “In Into the Woods, Cinderella runs from her prince, Rapunzel is thrown from a tower for her prince, and Sleeping Beauty just thought she was getting coffee with Bill Cosby.” The look on Jessica Chastain’s face said it all.
If presenters Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan’s dour faces and total lack of eye contact were any indicator, 50 Shades of Grey fans can expect decidedly lukewarm temperatures in theaters when the big-screen adaptation arrives in February.
MOST MEANINGFUL ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
It’s hard to be eloquent when a countdown clock is ticking loudly over your head, but Joanne Froggatt, accepting the trophy for Best Supporting Actress in a TV Series, Miniseries or Movie for Downton Abbey, used her limited podium time for a purpose larger than herself or her career prospects. Speaking of her character Anna Bates’ Season 4 story arc, the actress shared she’d received letters from a number of rape survivors: “One woman summed up the thoughts of many by saying she wasn’t sure why she’d written — but she felt in some way she wanted to be heard. And I’d just like to say I heard you, and I hope by saying this so publicly, it means in some way you feel the world heard you.”
LEAST NECESSARY AD-LIB
Cleavage-baring presenter Jennifer Lopez may have set herself up when she took over envelope-opening duties from Jeremy Renner by declaring “I’ve got the nails,” but we’d have respected the Avengers star a lot more if he hadn’t gone for the obvious “you’ve got the Globes, too” retort. On a night when complicated, powerhouse women were de rigueur, his “Ooh, boobies!” cluelessness rang especially tone-deaf.
BEST WORDLESS PERFORMANCE
We’re not sure how exactly Margaret Cho managed to not once break character in her first of two appearances as fictitious North Korean general Cho Yun Ja (the newest member of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association — demanding a photo op with Meryl Streep), but her commitment to stony-faced seriousness left us in absolute stitches.
BREAKTHROUGH/ BREAKOUT (“WATCH THIS SHOW ALREADY!”) MOMENT
We welled up with tears as Best Actress in a TV Musical or Comedy winner Gina Rodriguez finished her speech with this killer line: “My father used to tell me to say every morning, ‘Today is gonna be a great day — I can and I will.’ Well, dad, today is a great day — I can and I did.” Now, let’s all hope the actress’ adorable brand of authenticity results in triple (or quadruple) the show’s ratings when it returns to The CW on Monday, Jan. 19 at 9/8c. (Yep, that’s us shamelessly suggesting you set your DVR.)
A SEA OF ORANGE
We don’t know if it was the lighting, a nod to Orange Is the New Black or just one too many spray tans, but why was everyone — minus the fair-skinned Emily Blunt — so tangerine-y?
BEST USE OF PODIUM FOR POLITICAL POSITIVITY
Common, accepting Best Original Song (along with John Legend) for Selma‘s “Glory,” touched on today’s racially turbulent news in a way that was poignant and poetic: “I am the unarmed black kid who maybe needed a hand but was instead given a bullet. I am the two fallen police officers killed in the line of duty. Selma has awakened my humanity.” Here’s hoping the rap star is not alone.
YOU SAY “PO-TAY-TO,” I SAY “PO-TOOTIE”
We wouldn’t care so much if presenter Katie Holmes mangled Matt Bomer’s name in a drunken after-party moment, but calling him “Matt Bomber” at the exact moment he won Best Actor in a TV Miniseries or Movie? That seemed a little disrespectful, no?
MOST DISAPPOINTING SPEECH
“To say that I am ill-prepared for this moment is a big understatement,” said Amy Adams, beginning her Best Actress in a Comedy or Musical Movie acceptance for Big Eyes. Alas, the usually delightful actress then proved her point, rambling incessantly in a way that missed its marks in terms of emotion, laughs and, alas, any sense of coherence.
THE OTHER GREAT FEMALE COMEDY DUO
We’re bowing — no photo, but trust us — to Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin. The stars of Netflix’s upcoming series Grace and Frankie poked terrific fun at the super-tired myth that women aren’t as funny as men, before handing a Globe to Jeffrey Tambor.
BEST POKER FACE
Frances McDormand may not have won a Golden Globe, but you’d never be able to sense her disappointment from the look on her face. Come to think of it, we have no idea what’s going through her head tonight. Have you ever seen a more gloriously empty stare in all your life?
MOST SUSPICIOUS AD PLACEMENT
Hmmm… Netflix runs an ad for House of Card in the ad break directly following series star Kevin Spacey’s win for Best Actor in a Drama Series? Anyone want to place bets on whether or not the streaming service got a tip-off from NBC’s ad department?
BEST FATHER-SON MOMENT
Just when we thought we couldn’t love the Birdman star any more, Michael Keaton shares a (surprisingly interesting) story of his upbringing, then gives a shout-out to his son in the audience. Sir if you’re reading this, are we too old to be adopted?
FUNNIEST ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
Director Wes Anderson, picking up a Best Picture, Musical or Comedy trophy for Grand Budapest Hotel, didn’t take himself too seriously. He breezed through the names of his co-workers and loved ones, then added, “instead I want to focus on the members of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association.” His litany of “foreign-sounding” monikers — “Yorum and Dagmar and Yukiko… Lorenzeo, Helmut… Erki, Anka and so on…” sent us into giggle fits — and also served as a reminder of the small, sometimes capricious club that doles out the statuettes.