TGIF’s prettiest couple eventually had another child, adding to Michelle’s jealousy that all of her uncle’s attention wasn’t pointed towards her well past the point where her feelings would be considered “age appropriate.”
Jesse would never have another No. 99 hit like “Forever,” but Hot Daddy and the Monkey Puppets would go on to tour all across… San Francisco.
KAREEM ABDUL JABBAR
He and Jesse still exchange emails. Who knew?
The lean, mean, cleaning machine eventually departed the full house once his daughters had grown up, and found love with a charming lady who shares his love of Lemon Pledge.
After Jesse and Rebecca moved out of the full house, Joey upgraded to a de-luxe apartment in Danny’s attic. Nothing ever came of his Star Search appearance or his brief relationship with Maria Bamford. It’s sad, really.
He might not have wound up with DJ, but he did wind up with type 2 diabetes. Tough break!
MR. WOODCHUCK & MR. BEAR
Yeah, we sensed it too. After years of homoerotic tension oozing through the full house, Mr. Woodchuck and Mr. Bear finally embraced their feelings and eloped to Vegas in 1999. They now live in a quaint Long Island suburb with their adopted Chinese son.
Before having a daughter of her own, the Tanner’s next-door neighbor and TV’s original hipster eventually became a fashion icon thanks to her love of bold prints and neon-colored tights. Though never book smart, Gibbler found a way to monetize her fashion sense through a series of popular YouTube videos.
Stephanie might’ve tamed the tobacco-addicted middle schooler when they became best friends in 1994, but Gia eventually returned to her bad girl roots and landed in an all-women’s prison a la Orange Is the New Black.
DJ’s one-time boyfriend lost all of his riches during the 2008 recession, and eventually became Frankie Valli’s tour manager.
The former Monkey Puppet and one-time love interest for DJ eventually conquered his fear of reading and penned a dystopian novel, becoming a New York Times best-selling author and Pulitzer Prize winner.
Michelle’s virtuosic friend from seasons 6 through 8 was in just about every high school play, but gave up on his stage aspirations after flunking out at Juilliard. He now works as a go-go dancer. (No, really.)
THE BEACH BOYS
After years of being bombarded by requests from Jesse to play Tanner family events, all of the Beach Boys eventually changed their phone numbers and disallowed the wannabe musician from attending their concerts.
Michelle became a pediatric speech therapist so kids never have to suffer the same shaming she did for mispronouncing ouce cream ice cream and spascetti spaghetti.
Though he departed the full house soon after his entrance, he was never quite able to get the lyrics to Three’s Company out of his head.