Quotes Of The Week For April 12, 2020

We've rounded up the best TV quotes from April 12 through April 18, 2020. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!

THE VOICE

"You have the disadvantage of being the only person on this dais that actually has to wear earrings."

"Or Spanx."

"I blew mine out."

"What happens when you break your Spanx?"

"It's like a can of half-opened biscuits."

John Legend's empathy for Kelly Clarkson leads to Blake Shelton oversharing

ONE DAY AT A TIME

"With that bobo in the White House, I can't stand to look at an orange face right now."

"He's like a pumpkin. He will get thrown out in November."

Lydia (Rita Moreno) calms Elena's (Isabella Gomez) fears about the current commander-in-chief

INSECURE

"You've planned events before. You've raised money. Yes, this is on a bigger scale, but bitch, you weigh more now."

"I don't like that metaphor, but I appreciate your energy."

Ahead of her block party, Issa (Issa Rae) — barely — accepts a pep talk from Molly (Yvonne Orji) in the spirit in which it was intended

INSECURE (Bonus Quote!)

"You see Spencer over there? He offered me a cool five figures for one night of passion. Now, I'll take one for the team. Just say the word."

"I'll never say the word."

"Yes, you can. The word is... [gestures]"

Despite Issa's opposition, Kelli (Natasha Rothwell) seems really eager to accept an indecent proposal for the sake of the block party

TOO HOT TO HANDLE (Episode 1)

"I probably could have kissed her. But this is a marathon, not a sprint, so I don't need to be jumping the gun too early."

"No, David, it is a sprint, because in less than eight hours' time, a talking air freshener is going to c—kblock you."

David has no idea that LANA will demand complete celibacy from the randy retreat guests

BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

"You took the wrong fluffy boy!"

Capt. Holt (Andre Braugher) wails in the face of Cheddar's captor before knocking his lights out

STATION 19

"Don't make me regret endorsing a woman for captain."

"My former captain knowingly sliced through a roof and fell to his death to save my entire team. These are tears of gratitude, and amazement and wonder, and I will not apologize for having them... The ability to care while doing my job is a quality Captain Herrera both modeled and lauded. My ability to care while doing my job is what makes me superior, not inferior, to those who can't."

Bishop (Danielle Savre) refuses to let Dixon (Pat Healy) turn her feelings into a liability

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SURVIVOR

"This is what I do. I run around an island in my underwear. This is my work uniform. Do I look the same? Am I stinky? We only shower in the ocean. That's my bathtub and my toilet."

Tyson, explaining the show to his young daughter

NCIS

"Track down a jar with a skin sample! I know how it works. I've watched CSI."

Age 95, Joe (guest star Christopher Lloyd) is a tried-and-true CBS viewer

NCIS: LOS ANGELES

"What would you do, where would you go?"

"Where would I not go, Deeks? Did you know that at least one of the FANG companies recruits me on the monthly? I could have been CTO of Dollar Shave Club, I fixed last year's FaceTime bug.... Hell, I was in the room when Kevin created Instagram. And now my friend from S.F. wants to create a company with me. I'm just really proud of Nell."

"You're on a first name basis with Kevin Systrom?"

"That's your takeaway?"

Deeks (Eric Christian Olsen) is dazed not by Eric's (Barrett Foa) professional crisis, but all the name-dropping

HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER

"Nobody's dying on my watch, I can promise you that."

"No, you can't."

"Know how I can? Because there are very few people in this horrible world that make me feel the way you do — like it's all worth it. Even the pain. And I'm not saying that because of how the world sees us. I'm saying it because of how you see yourself, how you make me see myself. You gave a voice to every victim of the justice system. It's your legacy, and the only thing that has given me real purpose in years. And that's what makes me know, in my gut, that nobody can stop us."

Tegan's (Amirah Vann) pep talk to Annalise didn't include the words "I love you," but it might as well have

MACGYVER

"Ya lucky, I was about to Pulp Fiction you."

Dr. Cheryl (guest star Marsha Thomason) was ready to reboot Mac with a big syringe of adrenaline

MAGNUM P.I.

"Shot through the heart."

"How apropos."

Higgins and Magnum (Perdita Weeks and Jay Hernandez) find Katsumoto's marksmanship to be fitting

BETTER CALL SAUL

"I can't believe there's, like, over a billion people on this planet, and the only person I have to talk about this to is you."

Jimmy (Bob Odenkirk) would understandably prefer a more verbose partner in crime than Mike Ehrmantraut

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS

"Oh, Guillermo.... You should really drink more water."

Barging into the bathroom, Nandor (Kayvan Novak) mistakes Guillermo's chocolate-covered espresso beans for... something else

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS (Bonus Quote!)

"Hey! A high school production of Thornton Wilder's Our Town, with a Q&A afterwards. Don't mind if I do. Yum-yum..."

Colin Robinson (Mark Proksch) stumbles upon a smorgasbord

SINGLE PARENTS

"So what are we bingeing?"

"Gavel Town. It's incredible! The pilot's bad. Second episode is like a totally different show. Three to five are treading water. Six sucks. But the seventh episode has an amazing twist that will make it all worth it."

Angie (Leighton Meester) is really selling this show to Will (Taran Killam)

SINGLE PARENTS (Bonus Quote!)

"Do you know how hard it is to get placenta off of leather?"

"Do you?"

Douglas (Brad Garrett) is worried about the woman in labor on his couch, but Angie (Leighton Meester) has other questions

MRS. AMERICA (Episode 1)

"Did you call the Speaker of the House a four-letter word?"

"No!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. 'Ass' is a three-letter word."

Bella Abzug (Margo Martindale) chooses her insults carefully