Quotes Of The Week For Sept. 1, 2019

We've rounded up the best TV quotes from Sept. 1 through Sept. 7, 2019. Scroll through our gallery of zingers, bon mots and one-liners below, then tell us if we missed any of your favorite lines from this week's television!

THE AFFAIR

"Do you like the book?"

"Yes, I do. Do you?"

"No, I don't."

"Because it's about male ego?"

"No, because it's not very good."

"But so many people really like it."

"Yes, but I'm not sure that they're very smart."

Helen (Maura Tierney) tells Sasha (Claes Bang) how she really feels about Noah's book

PATRIOT ACT WITH HASAN MINHAJ

"So you would say you're accepting of all faiths and religions?"

"What we accept as a country needs to be defending minorities, defending people's rights... Accepting Christianity, accepting Judaism, accepting Islam, accepting all different— what?"

"You accept Islam as the one true faith and the Prophet Muhammad, peace upon him, last and final messenger?"

"[Laughs] I am proudly Catholic, but I have a tremendous respect for all religions."

"I'll play the long game. We have until the day of judgment."

"I am Catholic."

"[Turns to camera, whispers] Guys, I tried."

Minhaj (jokingly) tries to get Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to convert to Islam 

JIMMY KIMMEL LIVE

"You know, all of this nonsense really sinks in when you're away from it for a while. Since we left for vacation, the president cancelled a trip to Poland to monitor Dorian from his golf course in Virginia; tweeted 514 times; tried to buy Greenland and threw a fit when they wouldn't sell it; suggested firing a nuclear missile at a hurricane; announced that he would be suing people that worked for him for violating confidentiality agreements; attacked Grace from Will & Grace; predicted Sean Spicer will do great on Dancing With the Stars; congratulated Poland on the anniversary of the Nazi invasion; fired his longtime assistant who reportedly got drunk and told journalists that Trump doesn't like to be photographed with his daughter, Tiffany, because he believes her to be overweight; and he wished a happy birthday to Regis."

THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT

"You have called yourself a 'Gaffe Machine.' In the last few weeks, you've confused New Hampshire for Vermont, said Bobby Kennedy and MLK were assassinated in the late '70s [and] assured us, 'I'm not going nuts.' Follow-up question: Are you going nuts?"

"Well, look, the reason I came on The Jimmy Kimmel Show is because I'm not."

GREENLEAF

"There are two things that human beings do together that's best done slowly. Preaching is one of them."

Lady Mae (Lynn Whitfield), taking issue with an edict that Calvary's sermons be kept short

MAYANS MC

"Bad habit, nailbiting. At least my nocturnal enuresis is no longer a problem. [off Anna's look] I was a bedwetter."

"Glad that cleared up."

"Small victories."

Potter (Ray McKinnon) tries — awkwardly and unsuccessfully — to bond with his partner (Efrat Dor)

BH90210

"Siri, how many seasons of 90210 were there?"

We love that 'Shannen Doherty' has no idea how long the show continued after she left

SUCCESSION

"When you had me destroy those documents... well, I kept a few of them... I don't want to bring up anything to you that feels horrible, but would it be bad for me to mention those to you now?"

"Are you asking if you can blackmail me?"

Greg (Nicholas Braun) very politely puts the squeeze on Tom (Matthew Macfadyen) 

SUCCESSION (Bonus Quote!)

"I am here as a fellow human, to acknowledge that Lester has passed on. Lester was a man. And when a man dies, it is sad. All of us will die one day; in this case, it is Lester who has done so. Lester was alive for 78 years, but no more. Now he is dead. Lester's wife is Maria, they were married for 15 years. Now she is sad."

With Willa's help, Connor (Alan Ruck) delivers a eulogy that won't come back to haunt him

YOUNGER

"How are you so bad at this maid of honor stuff? You're a thousand years old, this can't be your first rodeo."

Diana (Miriam Shor) learning Liza's secret was totally worth it, if only for one-liners like this

POWER

"Yup!"

Tasha (Naturi Naughton) can't keep the glee out of her voice when a gobsmacked Ghost asks whether she knew Tommy was alive the whole time

BH90210 (Bonus Quote!)

"It's just a little sex scene. It's not real — like these."

Jennie (Jennie Garth) brushes off Tori's pre-love scene jitters

PENNYWORTH

"You tricked me, Mr. Ripper."

"Suppose I did. What then?"

"Well... then I'm very disappointed in you."

"That's life! I'm an undertaker. Nobody I meet is happy."

With the emphasis on "no body"!

SUITS (Bonus Quote!)

"What's a 'Dandalf'?'

"With a G. You've never heard of Gandalf?"

"Alex, you know I'm not a sports fan."

Katrina (Amanda Schull) is also not a Lord of the Rings fan, apparently

SUITS

"But I'm stuffed. How does he eat so much and stay so thin?! I need a f—king nap!"

Louis (Rick Hoffman), after discovering that his pretending to be Harvey means he has to go to a second lunch meeting

TITANS

"Hank, Dawn, this is Kory Anders. She's an alien. [Off Kory's look] What? It's true."

"You could have put a little more love into that."

Donna (Conor Leslie) introduces Kory (Anna Diop) to the rest of the team

CARNIVAL ROW (Episode 4)

"Be careful of that one."

"Why?"

"He's looking to f—k you."

"What? No... How can you tell?"

"He told me so."

"Oh."

Vignette (Cara Delevingne) gets the 10-cent tour of her new coworkers

QUEEN SUGAR

"Look, I don't know where this is headed, but 1) I'm wealthy, so I'm good."

Charley (Dawn-Lyen Gardner) brushes off the cops' suggestion she torched the mill for insurance money

ELITE (Episode 1)

"Sooner or later, you will fall. Someone will bring you down. I hope I'll be well enough by then to dance on your f—king grave."

So... it's safe to say that Christian's (Miguel Herrán) love affair with Carla is officially over

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WHY WOMEN KILL

"Darling, I know you're upset, but when you drink without a glass, Brad wins!"

Simone (Lucy Liu) to her wine-guzzling daughter, who has just dumped her cheating fiancé