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Quotes of the Week for Feb. 24, 2019
LAST MAN STANDING
“My friends and I would have these knife fights with another gang of kids, and then we’d dance on the rooftops until we got chased off by Officer Krupke.”
“You’re… describing West Side Story.
“It wasn’t just a story.”
Ed (Hector Elizondo) apparently used to swim with the Sharks
BETTER THINGS
“Wait! I want my big life This Is Us milestone goodbye hug! C’mon! This Is Us!”
Sam (Pamela Adlon) wishes her experience dropping off her teen daughter at college was a bit more like the Pearsons’
THE BACHELOR
“It’s just happening so fast! You don’t microwave relationships!”
Tayshia’s father gives her some kitchen appliance-related words of wisdom when he fears she’s moving too quickly with Colton
GREY’S ANATOMY
“We can go if you want. I will feign diarrhea.”
“No!”
“No, for you, I will get diarrhea!”
Koracick (Greg Germann), gallantly offering to get Teddy (Kim Raver) out of a party in his honor by any means necessary
GREY’S ANATOMY (Bonus Quote!)
“Andrew DeLuca and I are dating.”
“Are you telling me this as the chief, or as your friend?”
“I don’t know. Both. Why?”
“Because I want to know if I have to explain hospital rules, or just laugh at you.”
Mer’s (Ellen Pompeo) new romance doesn’t get a ringing endorsement from BFF Alex (Justin Chambers)
LEGACIES
“Fifth grade: You callously gave me the flu while we were building our float for Witch Week. With global warming, I may never see the Florida Keys. That’s on you.”
You’ve got to admire Lizzie’s (Jenny Boyd) determination — she can find a way to blame Hope for literally anything
THE GIFTED
“Brother, do you know what they are going to do to you?”
“Jace Turner took Clarice from me. He can’t do anything worse.”
Johnny (Blair Redford) makes clear to Marcos he has nothing left to lose
THE VOICE
“What is that? Gyth — where’s that from?”
“My dad just… there was a lotta alcohol involved… ”
“Well, if you wanna feel right at home… ”
Kelly Clarkson’s question about contestant Gyth Rigdon’s unique name gives Blake Shelton the perfect opportunity to recruit the singer for his team
THE VOICE (Bonus Quote!)
“A fearless singer — that’s the X factor.”
“It’s The Voice.”
“Oh my God.”
“You know, America’s got talent! That’s the truth! Don’t wanna wind up on the blacklist!”
When Kelly Clarkson accidentally names the title of a different reality competition show, Adam Levine swoops in to plug some of NBC’s offerings
DOCUMENTARY NOW!
“Well, we’d had such an enormous hit with Has Anyone Ever Told You That You’d Look Better as a Brunette? — which, at that time, was the longest title ever on Broadway, though of course, now everyone has copied it…”
’70s Broadway lyricist Simon Sawyer (John Mulaney) is a trailblazer in the field of overly long show titles
A MILLION LITTLE THINGS
“I can stay home and write with the baby.”
“You bought noise-cancelling headphones because you said I ate grapes too loudly.”
Regina (Christina Marie Moses) seriously doubts Rome (Romany Malco) when he volunteers to shoulder the bulk of the childcare for their as-yet-unconceived kid
THE ORVILLE
“I’ve been on board a Krill ship, you haven’t.”
“I’ll take Gordon.”
“Oh, man, the pee corner is looking real good right now.”
Come on, Gordon (Scott Grimes) — either urine or you’re out
THE ORVILLE (Bonus Quote!)
“Just so you know — this could rip the shuttle in half.”
“I don’t want to know.”
Gordon (Scott Grimes) offers Kelly (Adrianne Palicki) TMI
91ST ACADEMY AWARDS
“I can’t believe a film about menstruation just won an Oscar!”
Rayka Zehtabchi, director of Period. End of Sentence., is overwhelmed by her documentary short’s victory
THE WALKING DEAD
“You brought a baby out here?”
“We’re animals. Animals live out here. Animals have babies, so we have babies out here.”
Alpha (Samantha Morton), coolly freaking out Daryl (Norman Reedus) with her willingness to endanger a wee Whisperer
NCIS
“Are you sure you’re a real agent?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You’re wearing a T-shirt. A women’s small, from the looks of it.”
It’s a compression shirt, Max!
NCIS (Bonus Quote!)
“Zico and B.I. are more my vice.”
“What is that?”
“Seriously? K-hip hop.”
“What the hell is that?!”
“[Teens, together] Tragic.”
Teenage visitors help Gibbs (Mark Harmon) get in “tune” with the times
SCHITT’S CREEK
“Oh, I see you’ve opened a bottle of wine already. I won’t burden you with another.”
Moira (Catherine O’Hara), “thoughtfully” taking back the vino she brought Stevie
HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER
“Why should I be careful? You’re the one helping the governor to bring me down, but guess what? I’m still standing.”
“So why come here, huh? Just so you could shout at me?”
“Shut up! You’re just as boring as you think. But you lost this round, boo.”
Laurel’s brother, Xavier (Gerardo Celasco), quickly discovers that Annalise (Viola Davis) will always win in a war of words
THE PASSAGE
“So, how have you been? Anything new?”
“Oh, no, not much. Just trying to avoid being executed by the United States government. Also, vampires are real, so that’s cool.”
Brad (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) and Lila (Emmanuelle Chriqui) make breezy small talk while handcuffed in the trunk of an enemy’s car
THE PASSAGE (Bonus Quote!)
“Screw you. And your weird moustache.”
Amy (Saniyya Sidney) throws a very specific insult at Horace Guilder
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