“She definitely looks like a movie star — Jennifer Aniston,” exclaimed exhaustingly energetic E! host Ross Mathews… which raised the question: Was he implying the Friends star isn’t actually a film type, or merely giving volume to another empty thought bubble
SMARTEST RED-CARPET PRESENCE
Granted, a jelly donut could’ve raised the IQ of E!’s red-carpet coverage, but Fandango.com’s film expert Dave Karger provided a welcome oasis from the inanity with his intermittent Oscar predictions. Imagine how much better the red carpet might’ve been had he gotten as much screen time as the unholy trinity of Kelly Osbourne, Khloe Kardashian and Ross Mathews?
CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS, CAN’T… RECOGNIZE
If country crooner/big screen Friday Night Lights star Tim McGraw hadn’t been standing next to wife Faith Hill, would you have known who he was? (We sure wouldn’t have.)
Asked about her jewelry (which she said was created for the Duchess of Windsor in the 1930s), up-and-coming Aussie actress Margot Robbie (Focus) had this to say: “This necklace right here is worth more than my life — so I’d better not lose it tonight.”
50 SHADES OF OY VEY
If there’s anything less sexy than host Giuliana Rancic looking up “flogger” on Wikipedia after 50 Shades of Grey star Dakota Johnson mentioned a prop she stole from the set, we don’t want to know about it.
Tip your imaginary hats to Selma‘s David Oyelowo — risking the wrath of Fashion Police to bring us something other than a basic black tux on a male Oscar attendee.
MOST EGREGIOUS SCENE-STEALER
Poor Felicity Jones! As Ryan Seacrest interviewed the Theory of Everything‘s Best Actress nominee, E!’s cameras cut to a shot of 2014 Supporting Actress champ Lupita Nyong’o arriving on the red carpet and giving us baw-baw-bodyyyy. If the 12 Years a Slave star isn’t at or near the top of your Best Dressed list, please book an appointment with your ophthalmologist posthaste.
MOST AMUSING CROSS-PROMOTIONAL SYNERGY
Empire star Terrence Howard kicked off his interview with fellow Fox MVP Ryan Seacrest by going on an American Idol rant. “I noticed they got rid of Rachel on the show. That broke my heart! That was not supposed to happen,” Howard complained of last Wednesday’s sing-off between Rachel Hallack and Maddie Walker. “Rachel was the more talented one.” Lest anyone thought the erstwhile Oscar nominee wasn’t being serious, he ended the Q&A by suggesting Empire begin featuring Idol evictees in its fictional world. “Lucious wants to produce music for Rachel!” he exclaimed. Fox execs, the gauntlet has been thrown down.
MOST IRKSOME RED-CARPET PRESENCE
Is Lara Spencer really employed beneath the ABC News umbrella? If so, do we think she’ll lose any sleep over fawning introductions like this doozy: “Special? That doesn’t even begin to talk about Jennifer Lopez?” Spencer’s win in this category is especially noteworthy on a night where E! trotted out a dubiously dressed Khole Kardashian to provide fashion commentary.
THROWING SHADE FROM THE EXPENSIVE SEATS
Ooh, we’d give a Wolfgang Puck gold-dusted chocolate Oscar statuette to know what Jason Bateman (bottom left) was thinking as he watched ABC’s Lara Spencer chat with Boyhood‘s Best Supporting Actress nominee Patricia Arquette right before the ceremony began.