Wednesday’s episode of American Horror Story: Double Feature was every mother’s worst nightmare, no matter what planet she’s from.
The penultimate hour of “Death Valley” welcomed Cody Fern as Valiant Thor, a handsome (and apparently robotic) liaison between the humans and aliens. His primary job, besides giving Mamie the mind-blowing sex that queen deserved, was overseeing what he called “the business at hand.” More specifically, he was there to process the harvesting of a new race, one that was “neither human nor us but able to survive on this earth.”
As a show of good faith — and perhaps as an early apology for taking his wife to pound town — Valiant gave President Eisenhower what appeared to be an otherworldly iPod, a device that Valiant promised would someday connect the world and usher in an era of peace for mankind. (Ah, yes. Because when I think about that little device in my pocket loaded with godless social media apps, I think “peace.”)
Upon discovering that Marilyn Monroe was running her mouth about aliens on movie sets, Nixon was told to take care of her, though he later insisted to JFK that he played no role in the dirty deed. Ike and Valiant then escorted Lyndon Johnson to Area 51, where they blew his mind by explaining “how the world really works.” Ike also had his mind blown as he stared out at hundreds of hybrid creatures growing in endless rows of tanks, eventually asking himself, “What have I done?”
The answer to Ike’s question came moments later when the episode returned us to Troy’s present-day predicament at Alien HQ. Fully dilated and ready to pop, Troy watched helplessly as his stomach was sliced open and his baby was removed from his tummy. I’m not exactly sure which organ housed this growing baby, but I’m also getting the sense that these aliens don’t appreciate humans asking too many questions, so let’s just accept that it was in there… and now it’s not.
Unfortunately, Troy’s (honestly adorable!) offspring didn’t quite meet the qualifications of an ideal specimen, so he was then forced to watch his captors slit its throat and dunk it in a tank. I didn’t think we’d get a more disturbing visual than Troy’s alien C-section, but I was wrong, and the show waited a whole two minutes to prove that.
Calico, who’s apparently been dumping out “two to three pups a year” since 1969, tried to cheer Troy up by taking the whole gang to her happy place: the set where Stanley Kubrick directed America’s fake moon landing. (“Dicky Nickson was gaga for Strangelove!”) As she explained, convincing the American people that we could go to the moon was merely the government’s way of easing them into accepting new technologies. (“If you start giving people Velcro and computers, they’re going to start asking questions.”)
But this did not cheer them up. Not even a little bit. In fact, Troy and Cal were more determined than ever to escape — even if the bun in Cal’s oven had other plans. The episode ended with the oddly touching birth of Cal (“and Troy’s”) child right there on the set of the fake moon landing., but because this is American Horror Story, joy quickly turned to “WTF?!” as Cal’s baby girl latched onto his face with her tentacles. She gets those from her mother’s side, I’m guessing.
One Last Thought: Theorizing about American Horror Story usually proves futile, but since the promo for next week’s finale shows Valiant saying that the perfect specimen will likely be born in 2021, I can’t help but wonder… Is he definitely referring to one of the four friends’ babies, or could he be talking about Harry and Doris’ son from “Red Tide”? Maybe I’m just desperate for any kind of connection here.
Your thoughts on this week’s Double Feature? Drop ’em in a comment below.