Warning: The following contains spoilers for Tuesday’s bonkers episode of The Haves and the Have Nots. If you’d rather watch first, read later, avoid this recap like Candace might Conley. Actually, like anybody might Conley; he’s a lot!
If you thought that an episode of The Haves and the Have Nots in which Benny got it on with his realtor would make that the hour’s biggest twist of plot, first of all, you’re adorable. And second of all, you’re clearly new here. This show is way more bonkers than that! In fact, Benny and Rianna’s hookup was practically a footnote to the evening’s real action, which involved Candace dropping the bombshell we all expected her to on Charles, then getting a blast from the past that none of us expected her to. Read on, and we’ll go over all the juicy details…
‘I TOLD YOU I WASN’T GOING TO LET YOU TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY BODY’ | As the hour began, Benny showed up at Rianna’s, only to have her say “We shouldn’t do this” as if she knew as well as we did what they were about to do. Before they got down to, um, business, though, she revealed that her mother was in a home with cerebral palsy. “Why am I telling you all this?” Rianna wondered. “I’m drunk.” As Benny started on a glass of wine to join her, he suggested that his realtor needed to be held. Again, she insisted that she wasn’t going to sleep with him. But she cuddled up to him and let him reassure her that she was going to be OK. “You made me feel so safe tonight,” she said before planting one kiss after another on him. “I ain’t gonna be responsible” for this hookup, he insisted. Nevertheless, she persisted. And before we knew it, clothes were coming off, and things were heating up.
Afterwards, Rianna was full of regret. Benny, on the other hand, just wanted to know how he’d done as a distraction. “Your credit sucks,” she noted. Weirdest pillow talk ever. From there, they ascertained that both of them were healthy. (Protection, people! Protection!) When Benny suggested a snack, Rianna admitted that she only knew how to make a sandwich. Warming at last, she wanted to get to know about her new lover. “Are you a whore?” she started out. She’d only slept with two guys — and he was No. 2. “You know [Sandy’s] gonna come after you hard,” she warned Benny. But he wasn’t remotely worried. He just wanted to whip them up burgers before round 2.
‘I DON’T TRUST LAWYERS — I WAS A LAWYER!’ | At David’s, the judge questioned his son about Tanner and was relieved to hear that Jeffrey wasn’t planning to attend Justin’s funeral, as his brother hoped. There was something about Tanner that Jeffrey didn’t trust, he said. Um… like… say… everything about him? Maybe the neon sign over his head that read “I am going to [bleep] you up!”? Off that conversation, Jim arrived to see his buddy and antagonized Leo to the point that he threatened to knock down the bastard where he stood. Once inside, Jim revealed that he needed $100k to pay Celine $50k. (Jim math if ever I heard it!) In turn, David shared that Mama Rose had retired. “So that means that I can go after Candace,” Jim deduced. Mm, only if he paid Vinny to have him put Candace six feet under, David replied. In that case, Jim wanted to borrow $200k, because apparently, David was his personal ATM as well as errand boy.
Before Hanna could leave to see if Wyatt was really at his old loft, Katheryn — whose phone privileges in prison were clearly akin to those of an honor-roll teenager — called back and said that Jim should go check instead. In fact, she wanted Hanna to phone Jim on three-way — party line! Once her estranged husband was on the line, Katheryn grumpily beseeched him to go to Wyatt’s. He couldn’t have been less interested. So once again, it was up to Hanna to run her boss lady’s mad errand. Meanwhile, at Wyatt’s, Broderick was contemplating exercising squatter’s rights when Hanna arrived… followed by Jim. “I’m leaving,” decided Hanna, the smartest person in pretty much every room. From there, Jim interrogated Broderick, whose answers primarily came in the form of stammers. Before you could say, “Hasta la vista, baby,” Jim had kicked his wife’s boy toy to the curb.
‘I’VE DONE SOME OF MY BEST WORK IN PLACES LIKE THAT — AND MEN’ | At the fleabag motel, Landon rang Candace to ask if she’d seen the news and warn that the IRS would take her stolen money if she didn’t move it to a business account. Already done, she said. OK, well, what he was really calling about was to convince Candace to do an interview. Less than disinterested, she floated the idea of telling her side of the story instead. “I’m not going to be a pawn,” she spat. Gah, “you’re still a stupid hood chick,” Landon spat back. Wrong move, bro. In the end, all he managed to do was promise to keep bugging her. When Charles happened upon Landon post-call, they were interrupted by Conley, who requested privacy. In Landon’s office, he found Oliver, and though the president-elect’s right-hand man made it clear how much he loathed the guy, Oliver still volunteered intel: Conley has an angle. Well, duh! Not super helpful.
Downstairs, Conley once again pushed to get a pal a post on the EPA, then, when Charles got suspicious, backpedaled so fast, he almost wound up in the previous episode. Once Conley had left, Landon revealed that a proposed pipeline ran through the senator’s land — if his buddy pushed it through, Conley would cash in in a big way. “He was like a father to me,” sighed Charles. “I didn’t expect that from him.” Just then, Candace phoned Landon. When Charles answered instead of Landon, he and Candace had an awkward “Hi, how are you?” exchange. “I wasn’t ready to talk to you,” they both admitted. “The last time I saw you, I was in the trunk of a car,” she reminded him. Nonetheless, he missed her. Could he see her? Nope. No more back doors for her. She wouldn’t have to do that, he said. “You want me to walk through the front doors of the White House?” she asked. In fact, he did. When she expressed her uncertainty, he reassured her that they had nothing but time. At least seven months, she responded — yup, she’s pregnant! “We should meet soon,” Charles said. And miraculously, she agreed to take his call when he arrived in DC.
As the hour drew to a close, Madison showed up at David’s to see Jeffrey — and disclose that he got piss thrown on him. “Then, I get choked out — by Wyatt Cryer!” he added, burying the lead. While Jeffrey ran upstairs to tell his dad, Leo announced to Madison that Wyatt was there to see his old buddy. “Hey, man,” Wyatt said to Madison as if they weren’t way past “Hey, man.” Foolishly, Wyatt tried to bolt, at which point Leo pinned him to the ground. (Honestly, Hanna would’ve made shorter work of him.) And at the motel, Candace was shocked when into her room walked Oscar, alive and well. “Don’t worry,” he said, “I’m not gonna kill you.” Then why was he there? “We’re all here to destroy you.” Well, that oughta be fun. So, what do you think? Is Candace hallucinating? Dreaming? And is this show going to end with her becoming First Lady? Hit the comments with your theories.