Riverdale's 12 Most Ridiculous Names, From Baby Teeth to Poppa Poutine

Riverdale Worst Names Poppa Poutine

Riverdale has given us a lot of wonderful things over the past four seasons, from steamy teen romances to juicy murder mysteries. But what we’ll cherish most of all, we think, are the inexplicably odd character names.

Yes, Riverdale does come from the Archie comics universe, and some of these names probably sound better inside a comic book panel than they do spoken aloud by an actual human being. (Besides, it’s all part of the show’s charm, isn’t it?) But we’re not here to mock Riverdale for cutesy alliteration like Toni Topaz, Fangs Fogarty and Penny Peabody. Nah, those are mere child’s play, compared to some of the doozies we have here. We’re talking about the names that forced us to pause and rewind to make sure we heard correctly: “Wait… is that really his name?!”

So with Season 4 of Riverdale hitting Netflix today, we thought we’d celebrate by ranking the most outlandish character names across all four seasons, including Hog Eye (yes), Baby Teeth (we know), Edgar Evernever (you see what we’re saying?) and of course, the legendary Poppa Poutine, God rest his soul. Check out the gallery to the right — or click here for direct access — to see our full list of silly Riverdale names… and hit the comments to remind us of any we might’ve missed.