Alec Baldwin’s Donald Trump couldn’t figure out Zoom, but he did manage to call in to the first-ever at-home edition of Saturday Night Live‘s Weekend Update to speak with Colin Jost and Michael Che.
“I’m happy to report that America is now No. 1 in the world in coronavirus. Hashtag #AmericaNumberOne, hashtag #NotImportantWhy,” Trump said. “My approval rating is up, my TV ratings are through the roof, and every night at 7 pm, all of New York claps and cheers for the great job that I am doing.
“I’ll be honest: This virus, this ‘Cofefve-19,’ is really a tough break,” he continued. “I’ve always said it was a giant hoax that we should take very seriously, even though it was invented by the Democrats. So everyone needs to wash their hands… or not.”
Trump then advised the American people to listen to the experts during this difficult time — including himself, Sean Hannity, Jared Kushner and My Pillow spokesman Mike Lindell.
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“All the experts agree that we need to wear masks,” even though POTUS has chosen never to. “I can’t wear a mask in my tanning bed,” he said. “When I [take] it off I’d be dark on top, with a white circle around my mouth– like a reverse Homer Simpson.” He then shared other names his administration workshopped for the novel coronavirus, including “Chinese Flu, Hong Kong Flu-ey, Crouching Tiger Hidden Symptoms, Wang-Chung Lung” and “General Tso’s Revenge… Stephen Miller came up with ‘Yellow Fever,’ but that’s already a thing. That’s when a white dude is horny for an Asian chick.”
The call eventually ended with Trump announcing a Trump/Exotic 2020 ticket, with theTiger King star replacing Mike Pence as his running mate.
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