After six seasons, 80 episodes, and more laughs and tears than we could possibly count, Schitt’s Creek came to an end Tuesday with a lovely Daniel Levy-written and co-directed half-hour that made David and Patrick husband and button face, sent Johnny and Moira West, and presented the Rose family’s patriarch with arguably the most perfect goodbye gift ever. What was it? Read on.
‘I’VE WOKEN UP IN A BLACK MIRROR EPISODE!’ | As “Happy Ending” began, David’s family awakened him in his bed at the motel to let him know that overnight, there had been a couple of small hiccups in his wedding plans. For one, a rainstorm had given all of the outdoor decorations an unexpected bath. For another, his officiant had cancelled. But it was OK, David was assured. Johnny could (sniffle) officiate (sob) the (tissue please) wedding. On second thought, maybe Moira was the better option; she had, after all, killed at Pat Sajak’s first wedding. (“Can I buy a vow?”) As David started to spiral, his father promised that it would all work out. The Roses were rolling in dough again, so no way would Johnny be leaving town in the wake of “a cheap-ass, soggy wedding.” Shortly, Patrick came as close as (we thought!) anybody would be able to to mellowing out David. “At the end of the day,” he reminded the drama queen, “I’m going to kiss that worried-looking face of yours and call you my husband, and that’s the only thing that matters.” Fine, said David. They could tie the knot anywhere Patrick wanted — except Roland’s living room. Oh, and “don’t neglect the lighting!”
‘[DAVID] CAN BE VERY CRUEL, BUT IT’S ALL FEAR-BASED, DEAR’ | Later, Alexis got misty-eyed when she realized that only a day later, she wouldn’t be able to just pop into the next room to say hey to her parents. There had been one year, she recalled to her mother, that they hadn’t seen each other at all. That wasn’t true, Moira insisted… unless it was the year that she’d booked that international campaign for Lookie-Loo Binoculars. Regardless, “a part of me feels like I’m almost glad that we lost the money,” Alexis said. Ha, Moira replied. “You wouldn’t be the first hostage to fall in love with her captor.” She wouldn’t acknowledge her own feelings but at least Moira let Alexis tell her how much she loved her. Alexis would be glad to help with Moira’s speech, too, if her mother wanted. Good one, chuckled Moira. “I needed a moment of levity today.” Meanwhile, David enjoyed the massage that Patrick had arranged for him in advance of their wedding day. Patrick, knowing his groom as well as he did, had predicted that no matter what happened, David would be three-bagels-in-an-hour stressed. Or at least he was until his masseur got through rubbing down the, er, front of him…
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‘THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME I EVER RECEIVED A HAPPY ENDING’ | After Johnny, Patrick and Stevie arranged to move the wedding to the Jazzagals’ rehearsal space in Town Hall, the groom and maid of honor were stunned by how well David took the news. “Just because I didn’t have the town hall on my mood board,” he said, “doesn’t mean we still can’t have fun.” How good was that massage? Patrick asked. Turned out, he hadn’t intended for the masseur to get quite so handsy with his husband-to-be. But now that he thought about it, Patrick could see how the signals might have gotten mixed when he’d left the guy an envelope full of cash and a note saying to “take very good care” of David. Well, was the happy ending good, at least? “Do not answer that!” Patrick snapped. “Was it? Don’t!” From there, David went to the motel, where he found Alexis wearing a gorgeous dress — a gorgeous wedding dress. “Everyone’s going to think we’re getting married to each other!” cried David. When Stevie entered, she assured David that no one would get that impression, not unless he and Alexis were standing next to each other… which, um, they would be, since she was giving her brother away!
‘CAN YOU PLEASE WALK ME DOWN THE AISLE BEFORE PEOPLE LOSE INTEREST?’ | As the ceremony finally began, the Jazzagals serenated Moira, who was looking like a papal Lady Godiva, and Johnny and Stevie with James Morrison’s “Precious Love.” Waiting to make her entrance with David, Alexis admitted that she feared she might be wearing a wedding dress after all, which was a total bummer because she’d really wanted to impress him. “I am continuously impressed by you,” he assured her. And as they began their march to the altar, the Jazzagals sang — of course — Tina Turner’s “The Best.” Ironically, Moira, who’d been so stoic earlier, could hardly recite her speech, she was so overcome with emotion. “Our lives are like little bebe crows carried upon a curious wind,” she choked out, giving us our last-ever bebe, “and all we can wish for our families, for those we love, is that that wind will eventually place us on solid ground… I believe it’s done that for my family here in this little town in the middle of nowhere.” Oh boy, if you hadn’t been crying already, you had to have been then.
‘ROOM 7 NEEDS A TURNDOWN’ | For Patrick’s vows, he first told David what he already knew — that he’d climb a thousand mountains for him — then sang him a few lines of Mariah Carey’s “You’ll Always Be My Baby.” (Swoon.) In turn, David told his groom how happy and safe and loved he made him feel. In other words, “Patrick Brewer, you are my happy ending.” The following morning, the newlyweds, Stevie and Alexis gathered outside the motel to bid adieu to Johnny and Moira, who was put out that they hadn’t received the going-away gift that Roland had mentioned. Oh, but they would. After lots of hugging and tears, the Roses drove past the city limits… at which point Johnny had their SUV stop. He wanted one last look at the Schitt’s Creek sign… which Roland had had redesigned! OK, not redesigned, exactly, but recast with the Roses! It was, in a word, perfect. So, what did you think of the series’ finale? Grade it in the poll below, then hit the comments.