Remember when Jeff ran over a guy in last year’s Kidding finale? Yeah, that happened. While he may not be the most ill-intentioned children’s show host on the block, Jeff’s slowly unraveling sanity is beyond a liability for himself and those within arm’s reach — especially Jill’s mowed-down boyfriend, Peter. How is Jeff going to finagle his way out of this one? Will Jill find out the truth? Let’s recap this premiere and find out.
The episode begins with a flashback to Jeff and Jill’s wedding. Once the happy couple smashes the ceremonial flute, we immediately cut to Jeff’s decimated windshield just seconds after he runs over Big P. He’s stunned in silence until his phone rings. It’s the Pickles Platoon calling to serenade him on Christmas Eve. As he’s standing over the body, he asks the child on the phone if he’s been a good boy. Jim Carrey’s face in this scene is absolutely chilling, elevating the tension of the horrific scene to new heights.
Jeff knocks on Jill’s door and after a failed Christmas Eve call to 911, the two load Peter into Jeff’s car and hightail it to the hospital. Jeff hits someone else, but, phew, it’s only a plastic Santa; at least this time it was accidental! After kicking out the windshield and a lot of panicking, they arrive safely, but Peter — and Jeff — isn’t out of the woods just yet.
DeeDee and Scott try to break some tough news to their daughter, but they’re beating around the bush while she’s opening some Christmas gifts. After Jeff calls to say he may have killed Peter, DeeDee bluntly states, “We’re getting a divorce,” and the girl who was screaming like a banshee over it last season seems pretty indifferent.
At the hospital, Jeff admits what he did to DeeDee and says he’s going to tell Jill everything. “You need to lie right now,” his sister tells him. “Under no circumstances should you tell her what you did, or anyone.” Jeff doesn’t know how to lie, so she tells him to think of it as a secret. Plus, if Peter dies, there’s no point in confessing. (Whoa, that’s savage, Dee.)
Will, who was partying in Jeff’s empty house next door, is still in shock. “My mom is going to punch him in the d–k when I tell her that his s–t was in the closet next door,” he tells his friends. Looks like Will has the power to destroy every inch of intimacy Jeff and Jill worked so hard to recoup. Honestly, I wouldn’t put it past the kid.
Jill tells Jeff she’s sorry this happened to him and that it ruined his Christmas. Jeff hugs her tightly and stalls his confession. A doctor tells them Peter is stable and they’ll know more in the morning. Jeff, Jill and Will leave the hospital, arm in arm. Jeff finally has what he wanted… and he only had to commit vehicular assault to get it! Small potatoes.
At the house, Jeff once again tries to tell Jill about the house next door, but she cuts him off asking him to stay over. Jeff asks Will if he told his mom about the house next door, but the secret is safe with Will. “I like seeing you two together more than I like seeing you two apart,” says Will. I have so many reservations about this kid, but he seems sincere in this moment. Does that mean he won’t change his mind and set everything ablaze? Jury’s out.
Jill wakes up to find Jeff has whipped up a beautiful Christmas morning filled with presents and pancakes. They share a delightful breakfast filled with laughter and smiles, until Jill’s phone rings interrupting their Hallmark moment. At the hospital, Peter’s Mormon family arrives and the doctor tells them he needs a new liver within two days or he’s kaput.
After some consideration, Jeff admits to Jill that Peter didn’t walk into traffic. “I f–ked up,” he tells his family. The camera pans out as we watch Jeff bare his soul from outside the waiting room doors. With no other possible matches, Jeff volunteers to donate a portion of his organ to Peter. As he’s prepping for surgery, his phone rings again and it’s another chapter of the Pickles Platoon calling to serenade him. He asks the child if he’s been a good boy this year and the tyke responds, “Have you been a good boy this year?”
Is Jill going to flip out, or what? Will Jeff save face by helping save Peter? Grade the premiere, then drop your comments below!