Medical Police Series Premiere Recap: Childrens Hospital Doctors Counter Absurd Global Conspiracy — Grade It!

Medical Police Season 1 Premiere Recap

If the closing of Childrens Hospital left a void in your heart, then — CLEAR! — its spinoff, Medical Police, is here to shock you back to life.

Created by Rob Corddry, Krister Johnson, Jonathan Stern and David Wain, the 10-episode season (now available on Netflix) follows Childrens Hospital doctors Lola Spratt (Erinn Hayes) and Owen Maestro (Rob Huebel) as they’re recruited by the government to stop a world-threatening virus and unearth a deep-seated conspiracy before it’s too late.

Ready for another round of Wain-ian absurdity? Let’s dive in!

In the show’s first seconds, Lola and Owen are falling through the air with a third lifeless body. They’re visibly panicked as we hear Owen scream, “We’re not gonna make it!”

Cut to…Childrens Hospital, where we’re greeted by the familiar faces of Nurse Beth (Beth Dover), Dr. Blake Downs (Corddry), Dr. Valerie Flame (Malin Åkerman), and of course, Sy Mittleman (Henry Winkler) on a typical day at the clinic. A loudspeaker announcement projects, “What do you call a web-making contest between spiders? A spinoff!” Bless these beautiful shows.

A trauma patient is wheeled in with a wicked rash which makes the patient nearly flatline. Another case arrives with the same exact affliction, causing Lola to call HAZMAT even though it’s…just a rash? After researching, it appears to be a mysterious virus she’s seen before, but can’t crack. She wants to report her findings to the CDC, but Sy puts a boot on her car so she can’t drive. She asks every coworker possible if they’ll give her a ride and everyone’s an excuse factory, including a child patient who says, “I can’t drive, I’ve been drinking all morning!” Stay classy, kid!

She convinces Owen to drive her for a whopping 12 bucks and they roll out. They head off to the University of São Paulo, “which makes sense because, as we both know, the hospital where we work is in Brazil,” replies Owen. “That’s right, we both live and work at a hospital serving the American expatriate community here in São Paulo, Brazil, as we both know,” declares Lola. Naturally.

The doctors meet Sloane McIntyre (Sarayu Blue), who says she read Lola’s report and the virus is a “unicorn” that scares the hell out of her. McIntyre wants to take a ride, so Owen squeezes another $12 out of Lola and off they go to a secret compound hidden inside a grocery store. Here we find the offices of a secret division of the CDC called G-932 which runs black-ops operations designed to combat bioterrorists. They operate in secret; not even Congress or the White House knows they exist. Lola gives McIntyre a run-down of the situation, which concludes with a hula hoop (a cell) and an extra-large bag of pinto beans (a virus) that she pours inside the hoop. “See how the virus is just…look at it…it’s just all over the cell!” Oddly enough, everyone’s on the same page now. Way to go, gang!

The virus spreads to Berlin and it doesn’t take long for Lola to hop a plane to help despite her extreme lack of experience in governmental work, bioterrorism and police activity…but she’s the right woman for the job! Owen doesn’t hesitate to slink out the door when ish gets real, but he winds up on the plane anyways after his hunt for a bathroom goes wildly, absurdly wrong.

Owen mistakes Agents Tran and Vargas for flight attendants, but they’re actually part of the conspiracy! The baddies start firing, killing everyone on board except Owen, Lola and McIntyre. As Tran and Vargas strap on a set of parachutes, the surviving three engage into battle and take over one of the guns. Fists fly and bodies are tossed until Owen accidentally fires into one of the parachute packs leading to this delicious delivery from Hayes: “Shoot! The chute is shot to shit!”

McIntyre caps Vargas, but in all the kerfuffle, his body falls out of the plane’s open door taking the only working chute with it. McIntyre hands them a gun and tells them to grab helmets. “As of now, you are both provisional Special Agents of division G-932…go to the Berlin infection site, contain it, find out who’s responsible,” she orders. McIntyre vows to crash the plane in an underpopulated area and tells the newly appointed “agents” to go after the only working chute which is now rapidly falling from the skies. And so, they jump.

We’re back where the episode started as Lola and Owen frantically try to find the ripcord on the chute. They succeed and plummet smack onto a sidewalk. They’re held up at gunpoint by a pair of German police officers demanding to know who they are as a Medical Police title card swoops into view.

Is this the spy-thriller parody you’ve been searching for? What did you think of Hayes and Huebel? Grade the premiere, then drop your thoughts below!