AHS: 1984 Recap: 'I Don't Die Here' (Let's Analyze That Ungodly Twist)

AHS: 1984 Recap

There’s a moment in every season of American Horror Story when you discover that all is not as it seems. For AHS: 1984, that moment came in Episode 2, when the Night Stalker encountered Jonas — that handsome hitchhiker-turned-roadkill we met last week — and proceeded to gut him like a damn tauntaun. But wait just a Ryan Murphy Minute here… Didn’t Mr. Jingles already kill Jonas last week? Cue the twist!

Before being murdered for the second time this season, Jonas seemed very surprised to see the Night Stalker (aka Richard Ramirez) in the woods. “You’re not supposed to be here,” Jonas told him. “Wait, I don’t die here!” And because guys like Richard love being told what’s what, he proved Jonas wrong with another bloody, gruesome death. And that wasn’t even the last time Richard would kill Jonas this week! Seriously, some guys just don’t know how to stay dead.

We didn’t technically get an explanation for Jonas’ mysterious, Kenny McCormick-like resurrections, but we did get a butt load of clues. Jonas apparently died at Camp Redwood for the first time in 1970, the night of Mr. Jingles’ infamous killing spree. He remembers seeing Margaret covered in blood, but he was too scared to help her, so he ran into the woods… where Mr. Jingles ran him over and ripped him to shreds. Though an official verdict has yet to be rendered, let’s just go with Margaret’s theory about Jonas’ condition for now: “There are ghosts in the Bible, and you’re here, so they must be real.”

Speaking of Margaret’s insane religious views, boy did we get a frightening look into her psyche this week. While patching up Richard’s wounds in her stunning cabin, Margaret listened to his tragic tales of childhood trauma. (He was poisoned at birth due to his mother inhaling chemicals at work while she was pregnant, he developed a seizure-inducing condition after being hit on the head by a swing, and he witnessed way more murder than any growing boy should.) Margaret explained that this was all part of God’s plan to bring them together, and that you can do whatever you want in life as long as you have two things: God and trauma. “You can use him to explain why you did something,” she said. “Even something horrible.”

(Theory time: Does anyone else suspect that Margaret, in all her self-righteous purity, was the one responsible for the 1970 massacre? Witnessing that threesome could have been just the thing to set her off, especially now that we know she condones violent behavior for the “right” reasons. As for Jonas, he recalled seeing Margaret covered in blood, but did he actually see Mr. Jingles slaughter the others?)

Elsewhere this week…

* Speaking of trauma, Brooke revealed that she’s experienced her own share of American Horror Stories in life, the worst of which being the time her jealous fiancé murdered their entire wedding party (and himself) on their big day. It should also be noted that Montana was super supportive of her new friend, explaining, “A stranger once grabbed my boob outside a Sam Goody, so I get it. Trauma’s a bitch.” Montana also recalled her own trauma of being sent to fat camp as a kid, where she learned to “nom and vom.” Oh, and then she tried to make out with Brooke.

* We also discovered who was on the other end of Xavier’s bizarre phone call last week. It was his sugar daddy (!) Blake, who apparently helped Xavier turn his life around after discovering him strung out in MacArthur Park. Blake’s a real charmer (“You’re as dumb as you are pretty”) and apparently convinced “not gay” Xavier to participate in a gay-for-pay video, one he’s not proud of. When Blake surprised his star performer at Camp Redwood and demanded he record another tape, Xavier offered him one of the other counselors in exchange, even doing Blake the courtesy of drilling a hole in the fence around the men’s showers. And Blake was very impressed with what he saw, especially Trevor’s baby elephant trunk. (“That’s no cock. It’s an act of God!”) Sadly, it was also the last thing he would ever see, as someone — presumably Mr. Jingles — stabbed him through the head, killing him instantly.

* Let’s also pour one out for Karen, the head of the psychology department from which Mr. Jingles escaped. She immediately hauled ass to Camp Redwood, both to inform Margaret of Mr. Jingles’ whereabouts and to casually remind her that he’s still obsessed with exacting his revenge against her. And like all good snitches, Karen was dead before the opening credits began.

Your thoughts on this week’s AHS: 1984? And what are your theories about this Jonas situation? Drop ’em in a comment below.

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