It’s fitting that Thursday’s episode of Drag Race was cop-themed, because some of the queens’ performances were so bad, they technically qualified as crimes against Ru-manity.
Let’s start with the first major disappointment of the evening: the reading challenge, which was so terrible that RuPaul couldn’t just close the library — she had to condemn it. From Nina West having to explain her punchlines to Vanessa Vanjie Mateo screaming nursery rhymes, it became clear that some of these girls need to go back to school and brush up on the fundamentals.
A few queens proved themselves to be sufficiently literate, but none read with the proficiency of Brooke Lynn Hytes. My personal favorite burn was: “Silky Nutmeg Ganache! Ru, isn’t she just precious? … No, really, isn’t that Precious?” Her spot-on delivery and commitment to hitting below the belt earned her a well-deserved win.
Brooke Lynn’s victory also allowed her to choose the pairs for this week’s maxi challenge, which cast the queens in the hot new cop drama L.A.D.P. (aka Los Angeles Drag Police) — which is absolutely a show I would watch. Unfortunately, this particular procedural ended up being a lot more entertaining in theory than in reality.
What can I even say about the performances? Even the good ones were a mess, so the whole experience feels a little like a fever dream. I vaguely recall a fully nude Brooke Lynn telling Cheyenne Jackson that he smells like her dad, Yvie Oddly discovering that she’s the love child of A’Keria C. Davenport and Mark Wahlberg, Plastique Tiara improvising an audition for the Broadway musical Cats, and Vanjie screaming, “That cat’s got alopecia! She’s sick! She needs get put down!” (Like… Yes? This all happened?)
Fortunately, the queens shone much brighter on the runway in their face-kinis. Shuga Cain gave us My Fair Lady on acid, Brooke Lynn was the steampunk zebra we never knew we needed, Nina blended the swagger of Mr. Peanut with the style of A Clockwork Orange, Vanjie attempted to present a new silhouette in head-to-toe red leather, Plastique channeled American Horror Story‘s Rubber Man, A’Keria showed up fresh off the operating table, and Yvie found something sexy deep within the Black Lagoon. (As for Silky’s runway look, I’ll just say that I co-sign all of Michelle Visage’s critiques and leave it at that.)
Thanks to A’Keria’s hysterical L.A.P.D. performance and one-of-a-kind runway look, she earned her second win of the season, leaving Vanjie and Plastique to lip sync for their lives. And what a snoozefest of a battle that was. Despite a few drops to the floor, the energy level was low, with both queens doing their absolute bare minimum. After last week’s jaw-dropping duel between Yvie and Brooke Lynn, I would have sent both of these endangered queens packing.
In the end, Vanjie was given yet another chance, while Plastique sashayed away. Your thoughts on this week’s episode? Cast your vote and drop a comment below.