Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club: Grade It!

Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club

While the broadcast networks presented live coverage of President Trump’s speech at the border, MTV also documented matters of international conflict on Tuesday, sending viewers to Mykonos for the opening of Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club.

Essentially MTV’s answer to Vanderpump Rules, the new reality show docuseries chronicles Lindsay Lohan‘s quest to beef up the staff at her new day club, searching far and wide for hard-working hotties capable of putting the “ass” in “VIP Ambassador.”

And that’s exactly what she found. Tuesday’s series premiere introduced viewers to nine new employees imported from the States, each one hotter — and more hot-tempered — than the last. (Seriously, though, I cannot stress enough how attractive these people are. I shamelessly followed at least three of them on Instagram before the premiere was over. Not on Twitter, though. I can’t imagine any of them know how to write.)

We really got to know the gang during an initiation dinner at the staff’s villa, where the gaggle of pretties commiserated over their collective champagne problems. One girl complained that she dates too many professional basketball players, another whined about having to dye her hair from blue to pink, and the bisexual member of the group basically gave a TED Talk about how he’s gay in West Hollywood but straight in New Jersey. #geography

But making all those hot strangers work together and live under the same roof stirred up more drama than Lohan anticipated, proving that she’s never seen The Real World. Like, not even the opening credits. For example, I’m pretty sure everyone in the house wants to murder Brent after only one episode — and even if a housemate wasn’t willing to participate in the murder, I feel like they would at least help hide the body.

(If I’m being real, though, Brent’s co-workers seem like a bunch of haters. Sure, he’s an overconfident womanizer who spent his entire first day hooking up with a VIP client, but he also made the most money. He’s a welcome addition to any and all of my future beach clubs.)

Will you become a regular at Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club, or was one visit enough? Grade the premiere below, then drop a comment with your full review.