If you didn’t already know that Colton Underwood was a virgin before Monday’s Bachelor premiere, you definitely know now. In fact, his sex life — or lack thereof — was all anyone could talk about during the full-night season opener.
It began with Colton dubbing himself “the first virgin Bachelor,” then sharing his sex-related concerns with host Chris Harrison. “That’s sort of the stigma around being a virgin, that [you’re] not romantic,” Colton said, to which Harrison added a second (unsolicited) assumption: “He’s not a man.” Ouch.
But Colton wanted to make it clear that he’s “not waiting for a ring” before he does the deed. “I’m not waiting for marriage,” he said. “I’m waiting to be in love.” He thought he found that love with Becca on The Bachelorette (“I was ready to lose my virginity!”), and admitted to being “devastated when that relationship ended.”
Fortunately, 30 single vultures were already circling the Bachelor mansion, ready to dig their talons into the man of their dreams… and to pester him about his virginity. Hannah Brown found it “super appealing” that he’s never had sex, while Demi Burnett thought it was a little “concerning.” After all, “If you’ve only had a vanilla cupcake, how do you know you don’t like chocolate? Or strawberry?” Some hopefuls, like Onyeka Ehie, began plotting to deflower our blushing Bachelor (“I would definitely bring out all the tricks!”), while others didn’t even bother asking before literally stealing his V card — under the guise of a magic act, of course.
And the awkward first impressions didn’t stop there. One girl (allegedly named “Alex”) showed up in a sloth costume because she hears Colton likes to “take things slowly,” then spent most of the night climbing trees and nibbling on fruit. Another girl named Bri Barnes — my personal hero, frankly — literally faked an Australian accent just to stand out from the pack.
The premiere also had its fair share of drama, with Catherine Agro being painted as the “disrespectful villain,” and for good reason. Not only did she stick Colton with her dog (who does that?), but she also interrupted four girls’ private conversations with him, even after she was lectured by a fellow contestant for doing just that. (I smell a sociopath!)
The coveted First Impression Rose went to Hannah Godwin because, as Colton explained, “You reminded me a lot of home.” And with that sweet moment behind him, it was time for our Bachelor to start breaking a few hearts, sending home Tahzjuan, Erin, Devin, Alex D., Revian and Laura.
Your thoughts on Colton’s first night as our Bachelor? What are your first impressions of these 30 new wackadoodles? Grade the premiere below, then drop a comment with your full review.