Friendly warning: This recap spoils the crap out of Insatiable‘s season finale. Binge before proceeding.
In a full-circle nod to the Netflix comedy’s premiere, Insatiable‘s season finale found a panicked Patty placing a last-minute, life-saving phone call to a suicidal Bob. But this time around, their situations had changed quite a bit.
Following her own bungled kidnapping attempt, Patty wound up trapped in the the wiener mobile, courtesy of Roxy and a fully unhinged Stella Rose. She eventually broke free from the truck — and from the hot dog costume after taking three arrows to the back like a champ — but an ill-timed run-in with Roxy landed her back in her cage, this time with handcuffs.
That’s when it hit her: “Bad things would only keep happening to me if I thought that’s what I deserved. I wasn’t a loser when I was fat, and I wasn’t a loser now. I was a winner, and winners win. Period.” Sure, it wasn’t the most eloquent inner monologue, but the sentiment was there, giving Patty the inspiration she needed to crisco herself out of the cuffs. (“Stella Rose was only half right: Food had been my only friend. But now, it saved my life.”)
Meanwhile… Coralee and the Bobs finally got down to business, giving us the threesome I never knew I needed until it was unfolding before my very eyes. And no one enjoyed it more than Bob Armstrong, who wondered, “Could the three of us be happy together?” An unfortunate intrusion cut the trio’s evening short, but Bob remained steadfast in his mission to make that threesome happen, convincing Coralee that they can be happy in a thruple. And there was something strangely beautiful about Coralee’s assessment of the whole encounter: “It was weird and crazy. And there were a lot of arms and legs and beards. … I loved it. Maybe it was everything I never knew I always wanted.” Honestly, she took the words right out of my mouth.
Unfortunately, Bob didn’t exactly get confirmation from Barnard about the whole “thruple” thing — a rookie mistake for a literal attorney — and was surprised to learn he really wasn’t that into it. “I never agreed to a relationship,” he explained. “I just thought the three of us would have sex sometimes so [Coralee] wouldn’t feel left out.” By staying with Bob, even if it meant losing out on a major boost in his mayoral campaign, Barnard made his choice clear. It was now time for Bob to do the same.
Speaking of grand romantic gestures, Patty wasn’t super thrilled to discover that Christian had roofied, kidnapped and stuffed Magnolia in the trunk of his car. “You said you wanted to be a winner, and winner’s win at any cost,” he reminded Patty when she arrived on the scene. But she wasn’t about to, as Christian suggested, “be the demon,” so when Magnolia woke up wondering what the [expletive] was going on, Patty set her free and turned the crowbar on Christian. Something about his aggressive final words (“You’re a bad person!”) did not sit well with Patty, causing her to beat him to death while screaming “I’m a good person!” until she was literally red in the face… with his blood.
And that’s where Patty’s second fateful phone call came in: Just as Bob was about to blow his brains out (again!), she called to ask for a favor. And he was all too happy to help her out, saying, “I’ve never much believed in destiny, but I’m starting to think that you and I — we’re fated. You saved my life twice. Now, I am going to save yours.”
But destiny wasn’t about to let Bob and Patty off so easily: Not only did Christian’s car fail to fully sink into the lake (d’oh!), but Patty also informed Bob that Christian wasn’t the only person she killed that night. R.I.P., Stella Rose!
Given that this recap began with a spoiler warning, I’m assuming you either  watched the whole season and would like to discuss it, or  gave up along the way and decided to find out how it all ends, or possibly  didn’t notice the big, bold disclaimer at all. Whichever camp you find yourself in, grade the finale and the season below, then drop a comment with your own review of Insatiable.