Grave matters took center stage in Tuesday’s Animal Kingdom. Not only was there talk of the Cody boys’ death wishes at the site of Baz’s new burial plot, but someone showed up at Deran’s bar spilling so much O-neg, they could’ve started their own blood drive, and if I’m not mistaken, Smurf ordered a hit. On whom? Read on.
‘SO YOUR GRANDMA COMES HOME, AND YOU JUST MOVE INTO A MOTEL 6?’ | As “Libertad” began, Mia was sympathizing with J, who was hiding out from Smurf at a motel, while the fearsome, freshly-sprung jailbird was getting her home back in order. (And the sight of the tough-as-nails queenpin cleaning house has to quality for Eighth Wonder of the World.) When at last J returned to Casa Cody, his grandmother noted that her checking account was under $3k and asked if any of the money from his recent job went to the family. Translation: Oh, who are we kidding? You know exactly what she meant by that! After ordering J to call a meeting of his uncles for that very day to discuss their imminent visit to the cemetery, Morgan arrived. Should I go? J inquired hopefully. Yeah, “no, baby, she’s here to see you,” Smurf replied. And in short order, the teenager was stripped of all of the powers of attorney with which he’d been imbued during his granny’s incarceration.
‘YOU CAN’T GIVE ME RELATIONSHIP ADVICE’ | After doing some motocross-riding with Linc and Deran, Craig guessed that his brother was, uh, hanging 10 on the side with Adrian. And, of course, he was. Later that day, Adrian, spotting the biker gear following a hookup, gleaned that Deran was still involved with Linc. But it was cool with the surfer boy. He wasn’t around, Linc was, he noted. “Life goes on.” Just after Deran got a text informing him of the family meeting that he had no intention of attending, into the bar’s back room — aka the sex den — barged Billy. “Relax,” he told the naked guys. “I’ve seen a d—k before.” In the wake of a fantastically awkward introduction to Adrian — “What are your intentions with my son?… I’m kidding, your intentions are obvious!” — Deran’s dad went right back to blowing smoke up his ass and questioning how the hell J had enough clout to get to say he’d be holding Billy’s money for safekeeping. “The kid’s like 14!” argued the junkie. Giving him that much power, “it’s like giving the Mona Lisa to a spider monkey!”
‘YOU CAN’T EXPECT ME TO SIT BACK AND DO NOTHING’ | Having heard about Smurf’s release, Lucy made a beeline for Pope, worried that his mother would come after her. “I’ll deal with it,” he said. Which was fine. But, all the same, “if you don’t,” Lucy made clear, “I will.” At the Cody family meeting (sans Deran), Smurf offered to launder the money from the boys’ recent haul — for the standard 20 percent commission. Or she’d do it for free — if they went down to Mexico to get back the $7M worth of loot she was certain that Lucy had stolen. If they’d do that for her, Smurf wouldn’t just launder their money, she’d give them their cuts of the $7M immediately. While the guys stalked off to discuss, Pete disappointed Mia twice in the span of a minute: first, by telling her she no longer had to collect payments from J (and therefore needn’t hang around the Codys); then, by telling her that nope, he currently had no more underhanded deeds for her to earn extra money doing.
‘YEP, I STILL GOT IT’ | Spotting Billy “dropping in,” sneaking over her fence, Smurf confronted him in a kaftan and fuzzy slippers. “You haven’t changed a bit,” he said, doing his best to ooze charm. He had changed, she replied; he looked like crap. “You’re assuming what I said about you is a compliment,” he threw back. And with that, they were off. Only their interaction wasn’t at all the intense showdown that we were led to expect. She mixed them Smurftinis and warned him of how bad an idea it had been to bring Frankie around her hot, hot boys. He wasn’t worried, though. In his mind, he more than compensated for their youth with his wisdom. Ha, said Smurf (I believe verbatim). She doubted that his equipment even worked anymore. Whether it did or not, intercourse, he suggested, was one of the least interesting things that could be done in private between two consenting adults. After reminding him that she’d been the one who taught him everything he knew, she told him, “Meet me in my bedroom and show me what a good memory you have.” Wait, what?!?
‘THINKING AND KNOWING ARE NOT THE SAME THING’ | While Smurf “met” with Billy, her boys met, too, and rejected the idea of hauling ass down to Mexico to steal back the $7M they couldn’t be sure that Lucy even had. Instead, they sent J back to his grandma with an offer of 15 percent to launder their money. Shortly, when Deran and Craig arrived at the bar, they discovered that Kai had let in Colby, some girl and Ox, who was bleeding so profusely, he could’ve been a colander. Turned out, off Deran’s tip, they’d hit that junkyard — but in broad daylight. It had not gone well. Now Deran could neither bring Ox to the ER nor let him croak! The clinic in Tijuana could fix him up, but how could they get him to keep breathing long enough to get there? Craig’s brilliant solution: without telling Deran, recruit Linc, who was in the extreme unhappy to have been roped into treating a “speargun accident” that turned out to be a gunshot wound.
‘SACK UP AND GO SEE HER’ | After his liaison with Smurf, Billy was riding high — his equipment had worked! But she wouldn’t pay him $100 for services rendered until he admitted that J was holding his money from the job — and agreed to try to get Deran to come see her. Later, J approached Smurf with the offer of 15 percent to launder the money from the guys’ last heist. “And what about the Lucy job?” Smurf asked. Yeah, no, J had to say. He’d pled her case, but he only had one vote. “That’s the problem with democracy,” Smurf grumbled. But if she could get Deran on board, Craig would do it, too. While her wheels spun, J, by way of apologizing for mouthing off the last time he’d seen her in prison, presented her with his share of the pot-farm job and confessed that the total had been almost three quarters of a million bucks. Meanwhile, at the bar, Linc patched up Ox well enough that he could hit the road, and Deran hit the roof over the fact that Craig had just cost him the one person in his life who wasn’t involved in their thievery. Soon, Billy arrived, and both he and Craig encouraged Deran to pay Smurf a visit.
‘YOU’LL ALWAYS BE MY BABY’ | To Pope’s horror, Child Protective Services returned and took away Lena. But, in hopes that it would help him in the hearing that was to follow, the hothead kept his cool and kept it together — barely — as he said goodbye to the little girl he loved like (and might be) his daughter. At the same time, Smurf tracked down Deran at the beach. “I get it — you hate me,” she said. “I probably deserve it.” The thing was, he didn’t hate her. And once the ice was broken, Smurf got to the point: Sweet as pie, she asked if he’d do the Lucy job? Again, Deran declined. At least he’d go with the family tomorrow to Baz’s grave. That night, Smurf paid a visit to Pete, paying him the money that J had given her to “take a little trip down to Mexico” for her. Did that mean “Adios, Lucy”? The following day, Smurf met her boys at Baz’s grave and told them that she’d gotten plots for all of them — and Julia — at the cemetery. All they had to do was decide on Baz’s headstone and discuss amongst themselves what kind of arrangements they wanted made when their time came.
So, what did you think of “Libertad”? Did you see Smurf and Billy’s tryst in any way, shape or form coming? Is Lucy toast? Hit the comments with your reactions and theories.