Shrieks, lies and “bro!”s abounded Wednesday as 16 new Houseguests entered the Big Brother house to kick off Season 20.
Like all good seasons of Big Brother, the lying began immediately. Steve Arienta, for example, decided it was best to conceal his past as an undercover narcotics detective for the NYPD, opting instead to masquerade as a mild-mannered mechanic and family man. (To be fair, that last part is actually true. And the dude loves bubble baths.)
For the most part, though, the season’s initial deceptions revolved around Houseguests concealing their intelligence behind their hotness, or vice versa. Cybersecurity engineer Brett Robinson, for instance, decided that as long as he doesn’t wear his glasses, no one will suspect that his gorgeous head also contains a gorgeous brain. On the flip side, self-proclaimed “dweeb” Scottie Salton intends to hide his secret athleticism behind the persona of a 26-year-old man who’s never been kissed. And considering the boner he popped upon meeting Vegas entertainer Rachel Swindler, I don’t think he’ll have any trouble convincing anyone. (Wait a second… the woman from Vegas is literally named “Swindler”? Talk about on the nose.)
There was also plenty of flirting during the season’s first two hours, and even a hint of heartache, as professional welder Sam Bledsoe lamented that cut-as-a-button JC Mounduix is “part of the LGBGT community,” and therefore she doesn’t stand a chance. (I don’t know what to tell Sam first — that there’s only one “G” in that acronym, or that JC said he needs subtitles whenever she speaks because of her thick mountain accent.)
But the gang barely had time to get acquainted before being summoned by Julie Chen, who revealed that technology is “taking over the Big Brother game” this season, telling the Houseguests to prepare themselves for “high-tech twists, upgraded powers and punishments, and the most tech-tacular competitions ever.”
And Chen wasn’t lying — the season’s first competition was pretty damn tech-tacular. She introduced the Houseguests to the B.B. Supercomputer, where they were set to battle each other for the power to save themselves (and seven others!) from elimination. But a technical malfunction caused the computer to crash, separating the Houseguests into two groups. The first group waded through a bunch of crap in search of hidden keys (“Bro, it’s disgusting in here!” Brett, aka “Brohann Sebastian Bach,” exclaimed. “It’s like my frat house after a rager!”) Meanwhile, the second group faced off in a bungee-related challenge to spell out the word “Houseguest” using giant blocks.
As the first person to find her key in Group 1, Angela Rummans proceeded to the final part of the competition, facing off against Chris “Swaggy C” Williams, the first person to spell his word in Group 2. Swaggy attempted to strike a deal with Angela, ensuring that they’d both be safe regardless of who won the competition, but she surprised him big time by saying that her loyalty is to the seven people with whom she entered the house — aka not Swaggy. “Cool,” he told the camera. “My ass will win the competition and not keep you safe at all! You better remember that.”
As promised, Swaggy entered the competition ready to eat Angela alive — or at least remain standing on his surfboard longer than her — and he did, earning the season’s first big win. But Chen threw him a little victory curveball, informing him that he couldn’t save individual Houseguests, but rather choose two of the four move-in groups to escape elimination.
“Now all of the power is in Swaggy’s hands,” he mused. “And I get to control everybody’s fate — it’s marvelous!” (In case you couldn’t tell by his monogrammed “Swaggy C” shirts or the fact that he constantly refers to himself in the third-person, this guy’s a little bonkers. And I’m a fan.)
In the end, Swaggy chose to play by Angela’s own rules, saving all of the people with whom he entered the house: Angie “Rockstar” Lantry, Brett, Rachel, Scottie, Haleigh Broucher, Kaycee Clark and Faysal Shafaat.
* I’m kind of obsessed with the fact that Sam was turned into an actual robot (until the first live eviction) as punishment for coming in last place.
* Speaking of Sam, how does her welding family not already have its own TLC reality show?!
* I kind of love lifeguard Tyler for straight-up admitting, “My biggest weakness is my brain.”
* Question for the group: Which liberal Houseguest will be the first to clash with Winston Hines, whose love for guns is matched only by his love for his dog Dixie.
* I’m also curious about everybody’s thoughts on professional bro Brett. So ridiculous… but so pretty… but so obnoxious… but so pretty.
Are any of the Season 20 Houseguests popping for you yet? Grade the premiere below, then drop a comment with your favorite (and least favorite) personalities.