The Bachelor Premiere Recap: Who Got Arie's First Rose? And Who Got Cut?

The Bachelor Recap Season Premiere

If you vowed to take a shot every time someone made a bad racing pun during the season premiere of The Bachelor, allow me to extend my deepest sympathies to your liver.

In fact, I’d also like to extend those sympathies to Arie Luyendyk Jr., who began what he calls “the most important race of my life” on Monday by smelling a stranger’s armpits, listening to someone sing a (romantic?) song about taxidermy, and struggling to tell one Lauren apart from another… and another.

Unsurprisingly, Arie’s First Impression Rose™ went to the contestant he spent the most time with: Chelsea, a 29-year-old real estate agent — and (secret?) single mom — from Portland, Maine. And like all good moms, Chelsea proved she knows how to get s–t done; not only did she score the season’s first official make-out, but she barely even had to tell him anything about herself. I’m curious to see how long her strategy of remaining approachable yet mysterious can last before she really has to open up. (Speaking of which, any predictions for how Arie will eventually react to her being a single mom? I’m thinking he’ll be thrilled.)

But not every woman ended the evening with a smile on her face, a rose in her hand and the distinct look of murder in her eyes. (Just kidding, they all had murder in their eyes!) But Arie did have to make his first round of cuts, leaving only the following contestants remaining in the game: Chelsea, Becca K., Marikh, Kendall, Lauren G., Krystal, Bekah M., Lauren S., Seinne, Caroline, Brittany T., Bibiana, Annaliese, Jenna, Valerie, Jacqueline, Jenny, Lauren B., Ashley, Tia and Maquel.

Also worth discussing…

* Bekah and Maquel’s revved-up arrivals, coupled with the other women’s excited whispers (“Who is she!”), gave me major flashbacks to Jo’s arrival on The Facts of Life. (A girl?! On a motorcycle?!)

* Does Arie enjoy being reminded of how old he is? Between Bekah telling him that she still has an appreciation for “the classics” and Marikh telling him she’s ready for some “salt and pepper” in her life, I half-expected him to curl up and die right there in the driveway.

* I know Nysha was talking about working as a nurse when she said “the more blood, the better,” but I also feel like that’s a suitable slogan for this show sometimes.

* Arie almost seemed surprised that Annaliese was so beautiful when she finally took off her mask. Was he expecting some sort of Phantom of the Opera-type situation under there?

Your thoughts on Arie’s first cuts? Chelsea snagging the First Impression Rose™? The premiere in general? Grade Monday’s episode below, then drop a comment with… well, whatever’s on your mind.