Oscars host Jimmy Kimmel wasted no time in addressing the tense political climate in his monologue… and taking a swing at a controversial nominee.
Talking about how divided we are as a country, Kimmel admitted he wasn’t brave enough to try to unite anyone: “There’s only one Braveheart in this room,” he said, pointing out Best Director nominee Mel Gibson. “And he’s not gonna unite us, either.” He also complimented Gibson: “Mel, you look great. I think the Scientology is working.”
Kimmel went on to say he wanted to “bury the hatchet with someone I’ve had issues with”: his longtime nemesis, Matt Damon. While throwing out a few choice insults — “When I first met Matt, I was the fat one” — he gave Damon credit because he gave away an Oscar-caliber role in Manchester by the Sea to his childhood friend Casey Affleck “and made a Chinese ponytail movie instead. And that movie, The Great Wall, went on to lose $80 million. Smooth move, dumbass.”
More quality zingers from Kimmel’s Oscar monologue:
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* He offered thanks to President Trump: “Remember last year when it seemed like the Oscars were racist?”
* He marveled at the progress we saw in Hollywood films this year: “Black people saved NASA, and white people saved jazz. That’s what we call progress.”
* On baby-faced La La Land director and nominee Damien Chazelle: “If he wins, he’ll be able to go to any college he wants.”
* On the notoriously depressing nominee Manchester by the Sea, produced by Amazon, Kimmel joked that when people searched for the movie, they were told: “Customers who bought this item also purchased Zoloft.”
* Channeling President Trump, Kimmel called out Meryl Streep for her “uninspiring and overrated” performances: “Meryl Streep has phoned it in for more than 50 films over the course of her lackluster career.” He also asked the crowd to give her a “totally undeserved round of applause” — and they, of course, obliged.
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