TLC's Too Close to Home Is the Worst Show I Can't Stop Watching

Too Close To Home

With its second season finale airing on Wednesday (TLC, 10/9c), Too Close to Home promises to answer many of fans’ lingering questions from the past seven weeks. But here’s a burning question I’d like answered: Why can’t I stop watching this show?!

Frankly, the latest offering from the House of Tyler Perry is the creative equivalent of a train wreck making love to a dumpster fire, then slapping a man bun on top for good measure. And that wasn’t a dig at leading man Brock O’Hurn, who was but a humble Instagram model (famous for his man bun!) before Perry gave him his big acting break.

To be honest, I have a certain fondness for O’Hurn’s character, a living romance novel named Brody. His three primary purposes — looking good, breaking up fights and explaining complex scenarios — are all on display in this one incredible clip:

(Oh, did I forget to mention that nearly every scene on this show is, like, a breath away from being gay porn?)

Now, before I get even deeper into things, here’s a quick introduction for beginners: Too Close to Home follows a plucky young White House intern named Anna, whose affair with the president is exposed when he suffers a heart attack during a bone sesh in the Oval. The subsequent scandal drives Anna back to her hometown of Happy, Ala., a middle-of-nowhere hell hole populated by junkies, hoarders and rapists — and that’s just Anna’s family.

The show is promoted as a political drama — complete with small-screen queen Heather Locklear making special appearances as a sharp-tongued FLOTUS — but save for a few sporadic scenes, the bulk of the action takes place in and around Anna’s trailer park. And the scenes that do take place at the White House come across, at best, as a Scandal parody. (Hell, at a sparsely attended press conference last week, the president even went so far as to assure reporters, “There’s no scandal here.” Sure, guy.)

One of the reasons I think I enjoy this show is that it’s wildly unpredictable… but only because the characters’ reactions are completely erratic. For example: Handsome devil Dax finds out that Victor, his boyfriend of several years, cheated on him with a senator. Without even speaking to him about it, Dax makes a single phone call and gets Victor’s parents deported.

And I know I already commented on the show’s porny vibes earlier, but I was only half joking; when the show returned for Season 2, one of its main villains was suddenly revealed to be deeply closeted, unleashing his internalized homophobia on the sudden influx of “damn queers” in town.

As for the dialogue — which, I hope, is largely improvised — I’ll let the work speak for itself. The following scene takes place after Brody’s senile father climbs into bed with Anna’s “friend” Valerie, who was apparently asking to be sexual assaulted by leaving her door unlocked:

Honestly, it’s a good thing that Too Close to Home is so unintentionally hilarious, or else it would just be the darkest show on television: In the town of Happy, graphic gay bashings are a regular occurrence and nearly every named character under the age of 18 is a product of forced incest. (And I’m not even remotely exaggerating about that last part.)

OK, rant over. Time for you to weigh in: Does anyone else out there find themselves curiously addicted to this work of art? Drop a comment with your thoughts below.

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