Republican National Convention 2016: Melania Trump Offers Her First-Lady Vision, The Donald Co-Opts Queen

Preparing for potential first lady Melania Trump’s speech on the opening night of the Republican National Convention, a small, silly, snarky part of me was hoping she’d use the primetime exposure to promote the “timepieces and fashion jewelry” she sells at MelaniaTrump.com. #MakeAmericaElegantAgain

Nothing that spectacularly crazy happened, I’m sorry/pleased to report. Unless, of course, you caught the part of Melania’s talk that sounded eerily like the chorus to Rick Astley’s greatest hit. “He will never, ever give up, and most importantly, he will never, ever let you down,” Melania said about her husband Donald, the presumptive Republican nominee. But will he never run around and desert us, too?

[UPDATE: Speaking of eerie coincidences, a number of media outlets (and much of Twitter) are buzzing about startling similarities between a passage in Melania’s speech and remarks made in 2008 by current First Lady Michelle Obama. Click here for more details.]

If we’re talking musical references, though, can I pause here and acknowledge The Donald’s eye-popping chutzpah? I mean, taking the stage to introduce Melania to the tune of Queen’s “We Are the Champions,” willfully juxtaposing the voice of the band’s late, gay frontman Freddie Mercury with his party’s 2016 platform that’s taking an unprecedented stand against LGBT rights? Damn, dude, that’s shameless.

“We’re gonna win so big,” Donald said not once, not twice, but four times in succession before yielding the mic to his wife.

Melania, for her part, played the role of sour cream in this electoral plate of nachos, cooling down the fiery salsa campaign rhetoric favored by her spouse on his way toward the nomination.

Indeed, Melania insisted that all 17 candidates who set out for the Republican nomination “deserve respect,” whether or not Donald ever gave it to ’em.

After that, the Slovenian native described her upbringing, her journey to the United States. via the world of fashion and modeling, and her eventual swearing in as a citizen — “the greatest privilege on Planet Earth” — in 2006.

Melania then switched gears in an effort to humanize and hype her spouse, arguing his “kindness is not always noted, but it is there for all to see.” She added Donald would be a president “for all the people, not just some of the people… Christians, Jews and Muslims, Hispanics, African-Americans and Asians, the poor and the middle class.”

Finally, Melania offered her not entirely specific agenda as possible first lady. “We need new programs to help the poor and opportunities to challenge the young. There has to be a plan for growth.” She said her main focus would be on “helping children and women,” ensuring them “comfort and security and the best possible education.”

In the night’s greatest understatment, Melania concluded it wouldn’t be a Trump contest “without excitement and drama,” but that in spit of it, Donald’s focus would remain squarely on “this beautiful country that he loves so much.”

How did you feel about Melania’s headlining speech on Night One of the RNC? Does she get a “you’re hired” or “you’re fired”? Sound off in the comments!