Pretty Little Liars Recap: 'You're Only As Sick As Your Secrets'

Pretty Little Liars Recap

Last week, I feared what Caleb might learn about Spencer while sifting through Yvonne’s cell phone files. After Tuesday’s Pretty Little Liars, I realize Spencer isn’t the character I should have been worrying about.

It turns out that, in addition to being the future Senator of Pennsylvania (election pending), Veronica Hastings is also batting breast cancer. Spencer knew her mother “was” sick at one point during this season’s big ol’ time jump, but updated records — which the opposition planned to leak, because people are garbage — revealed that her mother’s doctors are merely “cautiously optimistic” about her health.

And while we’re talking about Hastings family bombshells, let’s not overlook the final moments of the episode, in which Spencer realized that the missing piece to Melissa’s broken suitcase fits the description of Charlotte’s murder weapon — a major upgrade from that dirty field hockey stick. And with Spencer’s sister returning next week, I don’t think we’ll have to wait too long for some answers. (Just kidding, of course we will. This is still PLL.)

The rest of the episode would best be divided ‘ship by ‘ship. Depending on which couples you root for, you either found this episode extremely satisfying… or painfully boring:

ALISON & ELLIOT | Ali’s relationship with her sister’s psychologist has always been a little shady — mostly because, as Spencer duly noted this week, it’s super unprofessional — but it looks like the couple can look forward to brighter days ahead. When it came time to decide whether they should come out publicly as a couple, or remain in the aforementioned shade, Ali kept her desires simple: “I want you to take me to a movie. I want you to hold my hand in a restaurant.” My only hope is that they don’t decide to throw themselves a coming-out party. Has anyone in this town ever thrown a successful party?

ARIA, LIAM & EZRA | Aria thought she had everything figured out — Liam even approved of her little scheme to ghostwrite more of Ezra’s book — but then, as he always does, Ezra came back to Rosewood and turned Aria’s world upside down. In addition to handing over the next three chapters of his book, he also (finally!) revealed where he was the night Charlotte was murdered: He bumped into Aria’s parents, but her dad asked him to stay quiet until they got a chance to tell her they’re back together. So does this mean Ezra isn’t crazy? And that it’s only a matter of time before “Ezria” is reunited? To be honest, Liam hasn’t grown on me the way Jordan has, so I’m pretty OK with all of this.

HANNA & JORDAN… AND CALEB! | As I’ve said before, this show is doing nothing to make me see Hanna’s new fiancé as anything less than perfect — which is why I almost feel bad for loving this week’s “Haleb” flashback, like I’m emotionally cheating on Jordan or something. And maybe “loving” isn’t the right word; there was nothing to love about watching Hanna and Caleb argue in a Manhattan alley about wanting different things out of life. (Also, spoiler alert: “Cybil” is the new “A.”)

SPENCER & CALEB… AND MONA? | Am I completely insane, or was the chemistry between Caleb and Mona off the charts this week? Yes, you read that right — Caleb and Mona. Their elevator stand-off was my favorite scene of the night (“If I find out you’re messing with Spencer in any way, shape or form, I will personally take you apart”), mostly because of Mona’s incredible comeback: “Who kisses better: Hanna, Spencer or me?” That was a next-level crazy thing to say, and I love her for it.

EMILY & HER EGGS | Speaking of next-level crazy… this is also still happening.

Your thoughts on this week’s PLL? Any new theories? Drop ’em all in a comment below.

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