Tuesday’s Scream Queens gave new meaning to the phrase “Once you go black, you never go back.”
No, really, Boone — who was able to walk the streets because strangers just assumed he’s Joaquin Phoenix — assigned a new meaning to it, telling Chad — who, for reasons beyond my comprehension, believed Boone was a ghost — that the only way he could return to the land of the living was by sleeping with Zayday.
Unfortunately for Boone, Zayday wasn’t exactly picking up what he was putting down, though even she must have appreciated his response to her compliment of his shirt. (“You know what it’s made of? … Boyfriend Material.” Zing!) And because Plan A was a total bust, Boone resorted to Plan B: killing Earl Grey, the one guy Zayday actually did want to take to Pound Town.
Boone planned for Gigi to be his second victim this week, telling the other Red Devil, “This has always been about you and me.” And he might have been successful in his plotting, had it not been for his fellow R.D. changing her mind, stabbing Boone in the throat. Like, for real this time. (Also, can we talk about how Boone was pretending to be gay all along? That might be the show’s biggest twist yet!)
Elsewhere this week…
CHANEL NO. 7 | Chad Radwell may not have a brain, but is it possible he has… a heart? “That’s how the Radwells roll; we make our beds and we lie in them,” Chad told Chanel after learning that he got Hester pregnant. Granted, he followed that up with “We lie in them with our creepy, neck-braced scoliosis wives,” but I’m choosing to focus on the fact that he’s willing to accept responsibility for all his risky porking. Sadly, Chad and Hester’s child will never see the light of the day — partially because she faked her pregnancy, but also because Chanel pushed her down the Kappa Kappa Tau stairs in the episode’s final moments!
STORY TIME | This week’s WTF subplot came courtesy of Denise Hemphill, who alleged that the best way to stop being scared of the Red Devils is to become scared of something else. There was talk of a hairy-armed old lady, a deadly selection of toilet paper and a Japanese monster that drags girls into sewers by their vaginas — I don’t think the three are connected…
Queens, any idea which (alleged) girl could be lurking ‘neath the other Red Devil mask? Do you think Hester is really a goner? And did you also have to Google Earl Grey’s name during the episode? Drop a comment with your thoughts on this week’s episode below.