Reign Season 3 Premiere Recap: Liars and Tigers and Queens, Oh My

Reign Season 3 Spoilers

Considering the sour note upon which Season 2 ended, Friday’s Reign premiere was surprisingly uplifting — well, the first half of it, at least.

Mary and Francis’ second honeymoon, a glorious haze of love-making and boat-sanding, was cut tragically short when he revealed that his illness has returned. “I don’t know how much time we have left,” he told her. “Every moment matters. It always did, but I just didn’t see it before.” Needless to say, well-deserved tears were shed by all. (Also, spoiler alert: HE’S DYING.)

Fortunately, the it couple was offered a reprieve from despair — or at least a distraction from it — when word came of Catherine’s presence in England. After tricking Elizabeth into temporarily abandoning her home, along with the best soldiers her army has to offer, Mary and Francis’ men snatched up Catherine and escorted her back to French Court. Oh, did I forget to mention she was taken there in the same cage as a freakin’ tiger? I kind of love when Mary lets her freak flag fly.

YASS, KWEENS | Prior to her capture, Catherine made good on her promise to help Elizabeth take down Mary, proposing a two-step plan: Use Mary’s affair with Condé to convince the Pope to stop supporting her, then arrange for Elizabeth to marry her son Charles. (Side note: Catherine’s spiel about how Charles won’t be bone-worthy for at least two years made me pretty uncomfortable, not gonna lie.) Of course, both parts of Catherine’s plan came with a big, fat wrinkle of irony: Elizabeth is currently sleeping with another woman’s husband, making her just as much of a W-word as her enemy.

PLUNDERING FOR BOOTY | As Narcisse continued his relentless pursuit of Lola (rather successfully, I might add), a newcomer to French Court — an actual, literal pirate named Martin de Lambert — set his sights on Greer. She wasn’t the only lady on his list, and she certainly also toyed with his emotions, but something tells me those two have a future. Sadly, the same probably can’t be said for Greer and Leith, who was M.I.A. from the premiere.

THE WITCH IS BACK | Speaking of unfortunate couplings, the premiere reunited Bash with Delphine, who’s currently the main suspect in the death of a local boy. Appearing to Bash at night — but definitely not in a dream — she pleaded with him to clear her name, ending the conversation by swiping his leg with a dagger. (Is that how she flirts? This girl is crazier than Bash’s collective storylines combined.)

Your thoughts on Reign‘s season premiere? Hopes/fears for what’s to come? After grading the episode, drop ’em all in a comment below.