Quotes Of The Week From Devious Maids, Enlisted, Awkward, Live! With Kelly... And More!

ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK

"Chick whose husband died real young."

"The white Michelle Williams!"

Taystee and Poussey playing "Celebrity".

DEVIOUS MAIDS

 "I told her you were Latin and in the restaurant business: Her inner racist took it from there."

Zoila (Judy Reyes) explains why Genevieve thinks Javier is a dishwasher instead of the owner of his restaurant

SUITS

"Oh, and Mr. Peanut called. He said he'd be happy to lend you his top hat."

Donna (Sarah Rafferty) teases Mike about wearing a vest

AWKWARD

"Food trucks are au courant. That means hipster in French."

Val (Desi Lydic) explaining her choice of catering for her high school reunion

AWKWARD (Bonus Quote!)

"My dad just friended me."

"That's the worst. My mom thinks writing 'call me' on my wall is
texting."

Jenna (Ashley Rickards) and Luke (Evan Williams) discussing our
nation's growing problem of parents joining Facebook

FARGO

"I haven't had a piece of [apple] pie like that since the Garden of Eden."

Lorne Malvo (Billy Bob Thornton), perhaps letting slip a hint of his evil origins

I WANNA MARRY HARRY

"... he's eye-humping ME. We're having great, steamy, hot eye sex."

Meghan steers clear of the Queen's English in describing her hot tub experience with the "prince"

THE WENDY WILLIAMS SHOW

"Julius laying on a pull-out couch to protect Beyoncé, to me, is not an odd thing. My thing that's odd is, how you gonna get a bodyguard that looks better than your husband?"

Wendy Williams, weighing in on tabloid rumors about Beyonce's romantic relationship with her bodyguard — and his attractiveness in comparison to her hubby Jay-Z

THE 100

"It's not rocket science!"

"It... is rocket science, actually."

Clarke (Eliza Taylor) fends off an impatient Raven (Lindsey Morgan), as she works to rewire the drop ship's rocket thrusters

FAKING IT

"Will you just shut the f*** up? I'm trying to empathize!"

Lauren (Bailey Buntain) tries to comfort her new step-sister Amy after Karma rejects her feelings

HOLLYWOOD EXES

"I smell a dead cat and a musty weave! I think Jessica's comin' on this trip and I am not — not with a capital N, capital O and capital T — going if she does."

Andrea, expressing her dismay that Nicole might invite her arch-rival for a ladies' weekend in Hawaii

VEEP

 "This is better than any of the sex I've ever had. ... I mean, almost any of it."

Dan (Reid Scott), getting excited about Selina becoming President

VEEP (Bonus Quote!)

"Buy yourself a gun, mom, because America's gonna have to shoot its way out of this."

Jonah (Timothy Simmons), expressing dismay about Selina becoming President

LIVE! WITH KELLY AND MICHAEL

"It's like everything I know about life, I learned from the movie Mommie Dearest."

"And your kids are better for it."

"My kids are better for it. And guess what? They don't put their clothes on wire hangers. They know better!"

Kelly and guest host Jim Parsons, dishing the important life lessons of the camp-classic Joan Crawford biopic

HOT IN CLEVELAND

"'Eternity's Rainbow,' A four-hour conversation between two women at a bus stop in hell. ... What is it the professor said?"

"You really brought hell to life for me!"

Victoria (Wendie Malick) and Maddie (Kirstie Alley) tell the others about the two-woman play they wrote in college

SALEM

"He was not supposed to be here. So why is he?"

"He came to see what his son had accomplished."

"And why is he staying?"

"He saw what his son had accomplished."

Crafty Hale (Xander Berkeley) and Mary (Janet Montgomery), discussing the untimely return of Cotton's fearsome, witch-hunting father

THE 68TH ANNUAL TONY AWARDS

"Broadway is very, very good for the local economy. Thanks to Alan Cumming and Cabaret, sales of nipple glitter are skyrocketing, ladies and gentlemen. But man, does it chafe."

Host Hugh Jackman on the upside — and downside — of the Great White Way

THE 68TH ANNUAL TONY AWARDS (Bonus Quote!)

"Now, performing "Always Starting Over" from If/Then, please welcome a Tony nominee tonight: the Wicked-ly talented, one and only, Idina Menzel."

Jonathan Groff, introducing Idina Menzel by riffing on John Travolta's now-infamous butchering of her name at the Oscars<

GAME OF THRONES

"So, what's it like?"

"It's.... there's this person. This whole other person. You're wrapped up in them, and they're wrapped up in you. You... for a little... for a little while, you're more than just you. You're... well, I don't know, I'm not a bleedin' poet!"

"No, you're really not."

Sam (John Bradley), asking a rather ineloquent Jon Snow (Kit Harington) what it's like to be intimate with a woman

ENLISTED

"I grew up with brothers. I learned to keep my enemies close, but my snacks closer."

Randy (Parker Young) explains why he hid a secret stash of snacks

ENLISTED (Bonus Quote!)

"Randy Candy. That's a really good name for a British candy bar. 'Hello! I'm chockfull of jolly, I am. ... And toffee.'"

Jill (Angelique Cabral) freaks out about eating all the candy after she finds out that General Murray is visiting after all

ORPHAN BLACK

"Do we have a boat?! Have you ever seen Dexter? Random scuba divers are finding everything!"

Alison (Tatiana Maslany) after Donnie (Kristian Bruun) suggests they dump Dr. Leekie's body in the lake

MISTRESSES

"Toni who? Toni tan? Toni taut? Toni tumbling out of her v-neck?"

Savi (Alyssa Milano), questioning Dom (Jason George) on the "Toni" of whom he speaks

MISTRESSES (Bonus Quote!)

"It was good. It was... damn! But it just, it wasn't..."

"Circumcised?"

"No, it wasn't... me."

April (Rochelle Aytes) and Joss (Jes Macallan), dishing the former's issues regarding her one-night stand with 'Sexy-Smoldering' (AKA Daniel)