Revenge Midseason Premiere Recap: Rated Ex

Revenge Season 3Although there was a lotta talk about how much racier Revenge would be in its new 10/9c timeslot, the sexiest thing that happens in the primetime soap’s midseason premiere is Blackout Emily trying (and failing) to seduce Aiden.

Which is not to say that “Payback” is without its pleasures. Besides being treated to a catfight by candlelight and Victoria and Patrick engaging in some lethal mother/son bonding, we learn that not only is Conrad’s first wife, Stevie, a force to be reckoned with, she’s also… Well, you’ll see. Keep reading.

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SON OF A… | Very quickly, we find out that Patrick burned down the art gallery so that he could bring in Jimmy as the contractor. And then? “I’m gonna kill him,” he tells a horrified Victoria. But before he can arrange an accident to dispatch his mother’s rapist, Jimmy blathers on a bit about regret… and suddenly, Patrick is thinking maybe he’s not so bad after all.

Thing is, he is so bad. He is absolutely so bad, a point driven home when he mistakes Victoria’s look of disgust for one of arousal and tells her that he understands why, as the wife of the former governor, she needs to be discreet.

Later, overhearing Victoria and Patrick arguing about him, Jimmy finally – finally! – figures out who they are. An argument ensues – what did you expect? Group hug? – Victoria walks away, Jimmy grabs her, Patrick grabs him, and next thing you know, Jimmy’s bleeding all over the floor. “Relax, honey,” Victoria purrs, using against a helpless Jimmy the very words he spoke to her as he forced himself upon her all those years ago.

Needless to say, by morning, Jimmy’s a goner. (The official cause of death: a fall from his ladder.) We didn’t do anything wrong, Victoria assures Patrick. “We’re victims of our world.” Yet, even though he originally planned to murder his father, he now wonders if he can get past this. Come again?

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THE MORE YOU KNOW | While Emily is relieved to find out from South Fork security footage that she didn’t actually shtup Conrad, she is shocked to discover that, during her blackout, she phoned her father-in-law’s attorney ex-wife to represent her in a divorce from Daniel that she doesn’t actually want. (This, it turns out, is why Stevie has come to the Hamptons.)

It gets worse. During another blackout, Emily “Hulks out” on Nolan and tries to pull off a Buffy/Spike love scene with Aiden, who is, as anyone would be, thoroughly confused. At least, the erstwhile Amanda is able to get it together – and keep it together – long enough to rescue her former fiancé when he’s abducted by Niko. (And really, since Blackout Emily is the one who made sure Niko found the evidence that proved he killed her father, it’s kinda the least she can do, right? On a semi-related note, doesn’t Niko set a gorgeous scene for a murder? Mood lighting and everything!)

By the hour’s end, Niko has left, Emily has reiterated her reasons for breaking up with Aiden and Nolan has suggested the last thing his gal pal wants to hear: Since the swelling in her brain isn’t causing her strange behavior and blackouts, she could just be – like her mother before her – going crazy.

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STEVIE NICKED | When not ruffling Margaux’s feathers at Voulez, Conrad tries to make amends to Stevie by giving her a document she immediately tosses in the trash. “I’m happy now,” she tells him. “Give that time,” he replies. “That always changes.”

And it seems bound to. After a coupla visits to the Stowaway – and Jack hinting at the havoc Conrad’s wreaked on his family – Stevie decides to stick around. Hmm… She even reads the papers her ex gave her and reveals their contents just as Conrad and Victoria are finalizing their divorce. Turns out, he bought Grayson Manor before his split from Stevie was finalized, and while she didn’t get much money in their settlement, she did get the property — meaning she, not Victoria, is the joint’s rightful owner! (And yes, her first order of business is to kick the queen bee out.)

Next, Stevie returns yet again to the Stowaway and asks Jack to tell her everything Conrad did to him. That’s sorta none of your business, the barkeep says. It’s totally my business, she responds. “I’m your mother.” Didn’t see that coming!

Okay, your turn. What did you think of the episode? Were you surprised that Stevie is Jack’s mother? Hit the comments!

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