Revenge Recap: The Bitch Is Back!

Revenge Season 3 RecapIn this week’s (especially quotable) Revenge, Lydia’s resurrection proves to be the smartest move the ABC sudser’s made since it dropped the Evil League of Evil Initiative. When not complaining about the accommodations Margaux provides (“I’ve had handbags bigger than that room”), the supervixen is thanking Victoria for getting her off that doomed flight by chalking up the incident to a “momentary lapse of evil.” In the end, she, not her frenemy, may even be the one to reveal Emily’s secret identity. Read on, and I’ll explain how…

PHOTOS | Revenge Season 3 Spoilers — Emily and Daniel’s Wedding

NEAR MRS. | As the episode begins, Daniel is trying to have his (wedding) cake and eat it, too. First, he keeps Emily from revealing her pregnancy to Voulez for the magazine’s cover story on their nuptials by insisting that dropping a bombshell like that would “throw the issue into chaos.” (Um, yes, because what magazine doesn’t hate it when a big scoop falls in its lap?) Then, he tells Sarah that he can’t just call the whole thing off, because Voulez needs this wedding spread to increase its circulation. (Does he think he’s marrying a Kardashian? Does she?) By the end of the hour, however, Emily’s framed Victoria for blabbing to the press about her delicate condition, Sarah’s returned the necklace that Daniel gave her, and he’s dropped it into the water in dramatic Titanic fashion, told off his mother and recommitted himself to his fiancée and their “baby.”

BACHELOR NO. 2 | Ironically, Daniel isn’t the only fella who commits himself to his fiancée in “Surrender”: Aiden likes it, so he, too, puts a ring on it. “Loving you is my mission,” the Hamptons’ Bond tells Emily. Not sure how romantic it is, proposing while she’s practicing the life-or-death breathing techniques she’ll need to survive her “murder.” But it kinda works for this couple, right? (And the twinkling lights Nolan hangs from the trees poolside are a nice touch.) Speaking of Emily’s imminent “murder,” she’s now so ready for it that she has gunpowder on one of Victoria’s bracelets and passports that’ll let her and Aiden masquerade as distant cousins of Nolan’s. All she needs now is to get Victoria to the wedding…

RELATED | Revenge Season 3 Spoilers — Patrick’s Father

FOR BITTER OR WORSE | When Conrad shows up to meet with Time magazine about a possible cover — “Must be a slow news year,” Victoria snickers — he is shocked to find Lydia instead. It’s hard to believe she’s alive, he says. To which she responds, “Almost as hard to believe as Time Magazine wanting you for a cover.” Unfortunately for the lady Lazarus, her attempt to get her ex to incriminate himself fails, and having eliminated the element of surprise, she’s fired by Margaux. (Can a source BE fired?) Not in the slightest keen on returning to her old new life “slinging drinks for honeymooners in Ecuador,” Lydia turns on the charm and lands herself back in Conrad’s bed. Which coincidentally puts her in just the right room at just the right time to find in some old photo albums (long story) the picture that proves Emily has been stalking the Graysons for years!

PARTY POOPER | Amazingly, Lydia’s discovery may not be the biggest stumbling block to Emily’s vendetta. Since Victoria was blasted by Daniel for ignoring Conrad’s warning that her meddling in their son’s affairs had left her “one loosely veiled speech away from the loony bin” — and even Charlotte has given up butting in — she folds. “The game is over. I’ve washed my hands of it,” the queen bee tells the bride-to-be, handing in her RSVP card. “I won’t be in attendance.” But… but if Victoria isn’t in attendance, then how will Emily set her up to take the fall for her “murder”?! Cue Bridezilla in 3, 2…

Okay, your turn. What did you think of the episode? Lydia cracked my ass up. She didn’t want her per diem from Margaux to cover room service. As if. “I’m not talking carbs, I’m talking Cartier!” And she didn’t just stop by Grayson Manor, she made herself at home in Victoria’s bedroom and started tossing out-of-fashion dresses off the balcony. But Victoria kept up, zinger for zinger. When Conrad asked which tie would keep them from clashing at the wedding, his wife shot back, “No tie in the world could accomplish that.” Hit the comments!