The Voice Top 10 Results Recap: Can't Believe What I Saw as I Turned on the TV This Evening

Matthew Schuler, Jacquie LeeAdam Levine may be People’s “Sexiest Man Alive” for 2014 — yep, Carson Daly confirmed that the rumors are true — but the Maroon 5 singer got relegated to third-place status on The Voice‘s Season 5 Top 10 results telecast.

Finishing ahead of him? First runner-up Cher, of course, breathing life into a sleepy “Voice confessional” segment with her flame-red hair and “Honey, I’m a legend!” brand of humor.

And winning the hour? Well, that crown went to Team Xtina — the Lady Aguilera along with her two remaining singers Jacquie Lee and Matthew Schuler — who delivered a scintilating Jackson sibling medley of “Black Cat” (Janet), “Scream” (Michael & Janet) and “Bad” (Michael) that Carson dubbed the greatest group performance in show history. And for once, the dude’s standard-operating hyperbole was fitting.

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The final contestant performance of the night — Caroline Pennell and Tessanne Chin on Lorde’s “Royals” — was pretty excellent, too. The less said about “Sugar We’re Going Down” (James, Kat & Will) and “Sharp-Dressed Man” (Team Blake) the better, I suppose.

In that spirit, shall we get to the results?

Sent to Safety (in Chronological Order)
James Wolpert (Team Adam)
Matthew Schuler (Team Xtina)
Ray Boudreaux (Team Blake)
Will Champlin (Team Adam)
Tessanne Chin (Team Adam)
Jacquie Lee (Team Xtina)
Cole Vosbury (Team Blake)

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Bottom Three Vote-Getters
Austin Jenckes (Team Blake)
Caroline Pennell (Team Cee Lo)
Kat Robichaud (Team Cee Lo)

I won’t lie to you: News of Caroline’s at-risk status made me get a little cray-cray.

Just as I was about to hurl something against my TV, Carson cut to the moment we’d all been waiting for — no, not Sean Hayes taking up the bottom of the screen with yet another irksom popup ad for Sean Saves the World, but rather, the scoop on who’d fill the eighth and final spot in next Monday’s performance show:

Instantly Saved
Caroline Pennell (Team Cee Lo) — YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

Austin Jenckes (Team Blake)
Kat Robichaud (Team Cee Lo)

And with that, let me turn things over to you. What did you think of Top 10 results night? Did you take to Twitter and participate in the “Instant Save”? Did the right people go home? Share your thoughts in the comments!