Revenge Recap: Jesus, Take the Wheel!

GABRIEL MANN, EMILY VANCAMPIn Sunday’s Revenge – aptly titled “Confession” – Emily talks blackmails Father Paul into convincing Conrad to turn himself in. But, en route to do exactly that, the devil’s in a car crash that suggests the work of a higher power. Or maybe a lower one. Could it be… Satan? Read on and find out!

A SCHEME IS A WISH YOUR HEART MAKES | After Aiden further solidifies his alliance with Victoria by revealing that he was still seeing Emily even after she and Daniel got engaged, the queen bee makes a… er, beeline for her son. And, though he wants to huff and puff and be all, “What-ever, Mother!” he can’t. She is, after all, on the money about Emily buying Nolan a mansion. And it only gets worse for ol’ poutypants this hour… wait for it.

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WHERE THE BOYS ARE | While planning his housewarming party at the country club, Nolan has a chance encounter with Patrick’s abs, which he naturally invites. (The rest of Patrick is also invited, just to be clear.) The new hunk about town still has no use for Emily, however. When she drops by Casa Grayson to drop off Victoria’s invitation – “Surely,” Mommie Dearest quips, “you have enough money for postage” – Junior hisses that he and Emily have “met… once too often.” You may stand a chance with this one yet, Nolan…

PARTY CENTRAL | The blowout is pretty modest compared to Nolan’s rad pad. (Fine art and plastic swans?) But nobody’s there for the atmosphere, they’re there for the fireworks. (And to see the host decked out like a cross between Capt. Stubing and Janet Jackson circa Rhythm Nation.) Jack relishes the fact that Emily’s so clearly upset by his non-date with Margaux (arranged by Charlotte, who now apparently needs someone to take care of at all times), Daniel and Margaux argue some more about whether Nolan should be on the cover of Voulez (which I’m starting to think is French for zzz), and then, finally, Victoria arrives with Aiden on her arm. He and Emily “fight as if they’re in love,” the wicked witch “helpfully” points out to Daniel. (Actually, they fight as if they’re putting on a show. But Daniel’s too dim to make that distinction.) Before the last swan’s deflated, Victoria’s gotten Emily so riled that she “accidentally” blurts out that “the Graysons are completely bankrupt.”

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IN THE AFTERMATH | The next day, Aiden “admits” to Victoria that more research has revealed that Emily does not actually have the Graysons’ fortune. But Victoria doesn’t care – she’s so tickled by the way he gets under her nemesis’ sun-kissed skin that she moves him into Grayson Manor. Later, we learn that – as many of you predicted – Aiden only returned and forged his alliance with Victoria at Emily’s behest. In other words, everything’s going according to plan… except for the bit where Aiden spilled the beans about his ongoing fling with Emily. That’s set off Daniel in a big way. Revealing to his fiancée at last that he and Aiden fought – and Aiden was shot – in last season’s finale, the paranoiac installs her worst nightmare: a home security system at the beach house!

HIGHWAY TO HELL | As the hour draws to a close, Conrad informs Victoria that he’s decided to cop to his role in David’s undoing. “So your psychosis has progressed,” she scoffs. At first. When it dawns on her that he’s serious, she’s so livid that she draws blood and throws vases. (If I were Conrad, I wouldn’t have that particular discussion anywhere near the same banister from which Amanda already plummeted!) But before he and Father Paul can arrive at the police station, they’re in a fiery car accident. “What the hell?” Emily clearly wants to ask when she arrives on the scene. Father Paul appears to be dead, and Conrad, only lightly singed.

Okay, your turn. What did you think of the episode? Were you fooled for even a second by Conrad’s nightmare in which Charlotte stabbed him? Is anyone else hoping for a Victoria/Aiden hook-up? Doesn’t Patrick seem about 30 percent more obnoxious when he’s not around his mother? And can someone please tell me what happened in Emily and Nolan’s first scene? I was too distracted by his choker to pay attention to anything else! Hit the comments!

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