Dumpster Dive: Dance Moms Will Leave You Neck-Deep in Horror and Regret

Welcome to “Dumpster Dive,” a new recurring feature in which our intrepid reality-TV junkie will put on his rubber gloves and face mask and wade into the murky depths of the genre’s nastiest-looking offerings.

Lifetime’s Dance Moms raises an important societal question …READ MORE

Bachelor Pad Recap: Oral Dilemma

As the number of morally compromised, fame-hungry lunatics diminishes each week on Bachelor Pad, inanimate objects must step up and bring the entertainment. On this week’s episode, for example, an electric toothbrush and a yogurt cup provided stellar supporting work that was at least as interesting as the exhausting “will they or won’t they” romantic drama between Michael and Holly. Let’s recap the action: …READ MORE

Bachelor Pad Photo Recap: Swim Pickings

“I find it entertaining, and it’s almost like I’m in disbelief that one person could really be so crazy,” declared suddenly entertaining Erica, watching Melissa’s nervous breakdown, on Monday night’s episode of Bachelor Pad. The tiara-sporting contestant’s statement pretty much sums up my feelings about every person, every word, and every interaction that exists on ABC’s compellingly awful famewhoreasbord. And so, even though I’m on vacation, I feel compelled to post some kind of recap, if for no other reason than to confirm that, yes, Bachelor Pad is real, and not just a figment of my waking nightmares. …READ MORE

Bachelor Pad Recap: Sleaze the Day!

Welcome back to Bachelor Pad, a squelching cesspool of amorality, intellectual rot, and abject horror where wannabe celebrities come to play for the chance to take home a cash prize that’s more than double what they hand out to the winner of Project Runway.

But before the scheming, crying, flesh baring, and inappropriate touching begin, READ MORE

The Bachelorette - The Men Tell All: 10 Questions That Never Got Asked or Answered

For an episode subtitled “The Men Tell All,” Sunday night’s installment of The Bachelorette — the fetid (un)appetizer to tonight’s season finale — contained precious little in the way of scintillating intel. We discovered that Ashley suffered a toe cramp while practicing Tai Chi with Ryan in Taiwan (probably because her pants were so tight, she lost circulation to her extremities). We learned that our heroine likes to slather her face with …READ MORE

The Bachelorette Recap: Punched. Drunk. Love?

On Monday night, ABC aired a very special crossover episode combining The Bachelorette: Extreme Insecurities Edition and the ABC News hidden-camera series What Would You Do?, in which ordinary people are confronted with ethical dilemmas to see how they react.

Producers sent human self-esteem issue Ashley and eight of her suitors to a Muay Thai boxing camp in Chiang Mai, Thailand, where the guys underwent an hour or so of training, donned colorful silk shorts, and headed into the ring to pummel the living famewhore out of one another. Ames, by virtue of his Ivy League degree, pleasant temperament, and ability to correctly use the word “saffron” in a sentence, was immediately marked as …READ MORE


2011 MTV Movie Awards: Best and Worst Moments (Plus the Full List of Winners)

The 2011 MTV Movie Awards is in the books, or perhaps more accurately, on a wadded-up piece of paper towel on the bathroom floor. The two-hour litany of movie trailers, Teen Wolf ads, and glorious victories for members of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse fan club was short on genuine laughs and long on uncomfortable sex jokes and pitiful teleprompter reading. Let’s recount the telecast’s three best and three worst moments — the former being a much harder task than the latter — and review the list of winners. …READ MORE