The first week of August is already in the books… but it’s not truly over until we’ve recapped our favorite Quotes of the Week.
In the list below, we’ve gathered more than a dozen of television’s most memorable sound bites from the past seven days, including moments both scripted and unscripted from broadcast, cable and streaming series.
This time around, we’ve got a culinary concoction from Evil that we do plan to try at home, classic rock lyrics doubling as sage advice for a Reservation Dogs character, a mating ritual on The Orville that’s severely lacking in romance, and a self-aware Bachelorette who knows her Parisian fashion sense leaves something to be desired.
Also featured in this week’s roundup: a double dose of Harley Quinn, plus quotable moments from Westworld, The Sandman (grade the premiere), All Rise and more shows.
Scroll through the list below to see all of our picks for the week, then hit the comments and tell us if we missed any of your faves!
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EVIL
Image Credit: Paramount+ screenshot “What’s that?”
“Oh, I’d stay away from that. It’s candy salad.”
“Oh.”
“My girls make believe it’s healthy, and I make believe I’m a good mother.”
Grace (Li Jun Li) and Kristen (Katja Herbers) discuss a mystery dish at Kristen’s birthday party
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WESTWORLD
Image Credit: HBO screenshot “Listen to him, he’s usually right about this stuff. Really annoying, but right.”
Stubbs (Luke Hemsworth) urges C to heed Bernard’s cryptic future forecasts
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THE BACHELORETTE
Image Credit: ABC screenshot “Obviously I didn’t wear the right hairstyle to look good in a beret. I look like maybe a bald baby… that queen from Snow White… a chef. Anything but good.”
Gabby learns the hard way that a messy bun isn’t conducive to a successful hat-shopping trip in Paris
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THE ORVILLE
Image Credit: Hulu screenshot (2) “When we arrive on the planet’s surface, Klyden and I will disrobe. Once we are bare, Klyden will flee into the forest. Shortly after, I will follow in pursuit. If I catch him, we will share the sexual event, there amongst the trees. Our mating vows are thus renewed and sanctified in the eyes of Moclan tradition.”
“I dare all of you not to cry.”
Bortus (Peter Macon) details his and Klyden’s not-entirely-romantic mating ritual for Gordon (Scott Grimes) & Co.
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BETTER CALL SAUL
Image Credit: AMC screenshot “A guy with that mustache probably doesn’t make a lot of good life choices.”
Saul (Bob Odenkirk) judges Walter White based on his facial hair — and foreshadows his own fate as the mustached “Gene”
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LOOT
Image Credit: Apple TV+ screenshot “Man, we do not deserve dogs. How are you not crying right now?”
“Sorry, I’m not really a dog person. If you’re gonna lick your own butt, you should be on a lot of drugs.”
Once again, Nicholas (Joel Kim Booster) shares his unique perspective on life (which more often than not concerns some sort of party drug)
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HARLEY QUINN
Image Credit: HBO Max screenshot “Fifty-seven percent of voters think it’s mean that you’re turning against someone in a coma…. Twenty [percent] say they wish you were the one in the coma. And another 15 say, ‘I don’t get Carpool Karaoke. They just sing along to songs in a car.’ Clearly they thought we were asking about James Corden.”
Harvey (voiced by Andy Daly) updates wannabe mayor James Gordon
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HARLEY QUINN (Bonus Quote!)
Image Credit: HBO Max screenshot “But I was almost done carbo-loading for the f—kfest.”
Bane (voiced by James Adomian) is disappointed to see the Court of Owls’ orgy get cut short
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BIG BROTHER
Image Credit: CBS screenshot “Nicole, to quote a Big Brother superfan, Rihanna: You look so dumb right now.”
Taylor succinctly (and not-so-subtly) lets Nicole know that she likely won’t survive the night’s eviction
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ALL RISE
Image Credit: OWN screenshot “He just knows me by my stage name, Lilith.”
“Lilith, as in the legendary succubus she-demon?”
“Wait, yes! Oh my God, nobody ever gets that! When I’m giving lap dances, I like to imagine I’m draining my customers of their souls.”
Stripper Eden (Lindsey Normington) and lawyer Teddy (Ronak Gandhi) bond over their geek love
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RESERVATION DOGS (Episode 1)
Image Credit: Hulu screenshot “Carry on my wayward son. There will be peace when you are done!”
Bear’s spirit guide (Dallas Goldtooth) seems to be lifting his prophetic wisdom from 1970s rock bands
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BLOOD & TREASURE
Image Credit: Paramount+ screenshot (2) “She probably thinks this place is being watched, so she wants to meet you someplace to give you something.”
“Give me something…? Like microfilm!”
“Chuck, you live in a world where people text. We’re way past microfilm.”
Vince (Byron Mann) catches first-time CIA asset Chuck (Mark Gagliardi) up on post-1980s spycraft
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WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS
Image Credit: FX screenshot “Trust me: Gay is in. Gay is hot. I want some gay. Gay it’s gonna be.”
Laszlo (Matt Berry) thinks faking a relationship with Nandor is a sure-fire way to get Colin into private school
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THE SANDMAN (Episode 3)
Image Credit: Netflix screenshot “F—k it: Let’s go to Hell!”
In an abrupt change of course, Matthew the Raven (voiced by Patton Oswalt) puts aside all of his reservations about accompanying Morpheus to see Lucifer
