“Ay yi yi! I can’t stop putting my tongue in strange, drunk women’s mouths!”
Bad Girls Club
“Ay yi yi! So many strange, drunk women whose mouths I can put my tongue in!”
Sounds like an odd fit on paper, sure, but wouldn’t it be a fun change of pace to see Juan Pablo actually working for a living? OK, you’re right, this one’s just too unrealistic.
Yes, we realize MTV’s tale of Snooki, The Situation, Jwoww (damn, my IQ dropped from typing that name) & Co. is no longer in production. But imagine the pervert perverse pleasure of seeing Juan Pablo wander around Seaside Heights for weeks, trying to find a camera crew to complete him.
Finally, somebody to lend a sympathetic ear when Phil Robertson goes off on a tangent about the evils of same-sex marriage. All J.P.’s gotta do is grow out his carefully sculpted perma-stubble.
Keeping Up With the Kardashians
Juan Pabs could embark on a new career as a paparazzo, documenting the many moods — i.e. fame-hungry, attention-seeking, Spandex-destroying — of Kris, Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall…actually, let’s pull the plug on this sentence. Some ideas are too unspeakable to be floated into the universe, even as a joke.
Naked and Afraid
Set entirely in a fantasy suite! But can Juan Pablo’s female partner survive a full 24 hours listening to the former soccer player talk exclusively about himself?
RuPaul’s Drag Race
Then again, maybe he’d be “too pervert” for Logo’s lip-synching, gown-wearing,
shade-throwing extravaganza, hunties.
Ewww…what’s that bitter taste? Juan Pablo, please pack your knives and go.
Self-absorbed, physically fit, scantily clad, frequently offensive fameosexuals locked in a house for the summer. Anyone feel like CBS’ summer staple, not ABC’s dating franchise, would’ve been the better fit to begin with?